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K-Rad took a brief time-out from his self induced seclusion, interrupting his busy schedule of being shit at MMA Tycoon to interview Charlie 'Winning!" Sheen prior to his debut CCF bout against Varg Veige this weekend: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rad: Mr Sheen, may I call you Charlie? Sheen: Only my mother and fuck buddies call me Charlie, you may call me Mr. Winning. Rad: Oh, it's going to be like that is it. I suppose what goes on in Vegas really does stay in Vegas. Y'know I used to have a girlfriend in college, her name was Charlie. Well, it wasn't really but that is what we called her, do you know why? Sheen: Because you used to snort coke off her cock? Rad: Actually she had a similar walk and moustache to Charlie Chaplin, though she certainly did put her own spin on the vintage 'lemon creme pie'. I bet you have some brilliant stories about some whacky womens, why don't you tell me one? Sheen: Sounds like you used to fuck Hitler. Most of my stories will be featured in my tell all book, coming soon via Random House, but here's a little sneak peek. Midgets, a donkey, drugs, booze, a giraffe, one lone rhino tusk, twin sisters (both named Helga!), Groove Monkey's mother, and sexual disappointment. My sexual disappointment I should mention. You'd think that would be the time of ones life finally putting together a perfect such orgy, but I couldn't get hard. Rad: That's fantastic - I remember you telling me that in Vegas. I still can't believe she ate the whole thing... anyway! You're going to need to get hard by this weekend Mr. Winning when you go toe-to-toe with Varg Veide! You have your debut coming up with CCF and I have to say it's a real honour to have you on the roster, we've been big fans for a long time. How do you view signing with CCF in terms of stages or levels in your career? Sheen: CCF seems like a good place for a degenerate like me. I like the looks of the HW and even SHW rosters. My plan is to win both titles and defend them until I ultimately overdose in some random hotel room and my body is found in a rather unflattering and/or compromising situation. Rad: That sounds like a pretty awesome plan to me, although you may want to make sure you're not based in Vegas, or no one will hear about it - or Miami because that shit is normal there. Back to your next fight and it's straight into a title fight with Varg Veide! That guy is a real arsehole - you can believe me on that. Even since he knocked out Kickin Rad I've been adding small amounts or arsenic to his gatorade on a daily basis. All that has happened is that the fucking goldfish in my office tank have started dying... on that note what are your thoughts on his style? Sheen: His style seems effective enough. I mean he keeps dropping dudes, left and right. He's not going to be able to withstand the power of old Winning though, let me tell you. I'm gonna get a little revenge for my good buddy Kicking Rad. And then he and I are gonna kick it, I told him he could even wear my belt. Rad: Is role-play something you and Kickin get up to a fair bit? Sheen: I don't know if you'd call it role-play, exactly. But he and I have gotten pretty close due to our managers being BFF's and we have trained together on more than one occassion. Come to think of it I can't remember one single time we didn't wind up at Asian rub 'n tugs after a training session. You know, just to relax and loosen up. Then it was always off to a Russian bathhouse for, what you might consider, the real loosening up. Rad: Well while I have you on the topic of deviantism and sexual electricity - you've been training under the legendary DILF Chuck Grace - so there's no question you can win over Veide's wife's pantaloons without breaking a sweat but how do you fancy your chances at getting a belt to hold them up as well? Sheen: First of all, you nailed it right on the head, Chuck is a total DILF. I mean I'm not gay, but I would totally go the other way to be with a man of his caliber. As far as the belt to hold up my pants, it's already mine. Varg knows he can't finish me and there's no way he can hang for a full five rounds with me. It's all over but the crying, as they say. Rad: Has CG been giving you any hot tips? Any old hand advice? Sheen: CG gives me many hot tips. The last really good one he gave me was amazing, and he's actually now raising my child because of it. Rad: I assume this is because there are so many potential mothers and CG was unable to sufficiently disprove that whilst he had sexual relations with those women, the child(ren) were yours? Also, at a rough estimate, how many children do you think you may have across the globe? Sheen: Old CG and I have for sure plowed some trim together my friend. There's some pretty solid evidence to back up your theory if I'm being completely honest. As far as a rough estimate on my potential children, man that's a tough one to figure out. I'm not Icon(73) but I've been known to sling this thing around and a conservative assumption might be in the hundreds. Well you should know a little about that, you've been to some of the parties, I'm sure we're Peter-in-laws as well. Rad: Mostly unrelated - I heard CM Punk has been ducking CG - has all this hype affected your training camp at all? Sheen: Punk is just that, a punk. My man Gracie would steamroll that creep. In fact Uncle Dana just texted him last night asking him to keep quiet about it. He doesn't want the fans to know there's someone out there that wants to fight CM. Apparently everyone is scared of him or something. Can you believe that not one other person has stepped up and called him out? That's why I love CG so much, he's just a mans man. Rad: You're telling me! I've seen so much of that man's man that I'm unable to visit Chicago or a baseball game any more. Even the sight of mustard starts causes flashbacks. But we aren't here to talk (too much!) about CGrace, let's talk you and the fight - You have the skills, of this there is no doubt. Do you have any advice for aspiring young Charlie wannabes out there? And I don't mean Emilio Estevez. Sheen: I'm not sure my advice would benefit any other human, but that's never stopped me from giving it before. Try to party as much as you can, do as many drugs as possible, drink as much liquor as possible, and be really naturally talented to the point doing that shit doesn't matter. Then just be a winner. Also get signed on to be managed by Chuck, that dude is the tits. Rad: Solid. Classic, and how about a word for "Clever" Hans Schmidt and Team Veide? Anything for them? Sheen: Don't be scared homie(s). Rad: And of course, the question everyone is dying to know the answer to - boxers or briefs? Sheen: Thong. Rad: ... and you just told Team Veide not to be scared... well it's been a pleasure as always. I noticed the UPS man just dropped off what looks like about 10 kg of coffee beans so I'll let you get back to your breakfast. Thanks for your time and we'll see you in the cage this weekend!

Following in the footsteps of my friend, colleague, and sometimes swinging partner K Rad it is also now time to vote for your CGrace of the year. I suspect this should also be a closely contested ummm... contest!