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By Brandon Comte Quarter flipping scalawags eating food from the train station floors out here in London, it's been a while since I've been here and now I see a lot more homeless people, I guess I should have kept up with the times and been here more frequently. I remember last week I was in Two Boots pizza and I saw someone I've known for twenty years and was in shock, I usually have the confidence to talk women as a whole but she made me freeze up and I went back to the past, stuttering, and blush-faced like a five year old, it went something like this "Omg hey Brandon how are you?!" I was all negative like "I've had a tough two weeks and it will take years to talk about it, I'll be in the back with my pizza" and after, right before I left I was all like "hi-hit m..m..me up when your off jerk" I didn't say work but I cornered her smile. She became the most beautiful woman, and I was in love with her in like kindergarten, but I choked up it was the weirdest thing ever, it felt like I was 5 all over again. I wouldn't consider myself five foot nine inches of greatness like CK and a pimp stick, more like six foot two of gentleman. I tend to go after women with class and or eccentric hipster women, no offense to Chris Karter, he's the best at what he does. I'm just telling you about my personal life to build suspense of what's to come tonight, the biggest event in Tycoon history (and I say that a lot but this really is) the finale of the Tycoon Cup in the EVO department. but yeah, these annoying bums have been asking me for change all day, so I decided to make a change for eternity. I contacted my main man Mega Jug, who's a hometown hero in 50 home towns around the world. I always get the yes from Mega when I have an idea because we're tighter than a noose around a hypothetical Charles Manson' neck or someone trying to have the best sadomasochistic session of their life. EVO has a lot of money, I mean a lot of money, so I decided to make a proposal and recommended we build an island out of the remnant's of Mungo Jerry's duplicated cavities, now this was a brilliant idea, we're allowing the homeless quarter flippers have a home for life, we also left raw resources such as black diamonds and ruby read pearls so they can build houses and shit. We also placed our EVO grown "world's largest potato" in the middle of the island as an energy source, they can also eat the skins which are very rich in EVO-antioxidants. Now We're going to get to the three fights of the main card of this extremely wonderful event coming up. The first fight in the main card is a title fight for the middleweight belt with Tweedle Dee (with Tweedle Dumb at his corner) Fighting Pluto Palhares, some really cool pimp who brings his hoes to the arena with him, but if you're an EVO fan you'd already know that. Tweedle Dee has had a nice run ever since leaving Synchronicity, more recently, winning the EVO middleweight championship belt where he fought Alexander Valentine and had a really great battle on the ground, both fighters were advancing position non stop and pounding each other out but when Valentine made the sweep it was game over, he won by an amazing decision which will be remembered for years to come (or will be forgotten after this event.) While Valentine has a great ground game he is also animalistic while standing, boom boom, his KO power deteriorated in time but he can still keep the fight standing for five rounds and win more than generously. Watch out though, Pluto Palhares recently stole CK's kif covered pimp stick and will use the particles to his advantage because as high goes up he trains harder and harder. He might have elite across primaries without deteriorating now, yet may have the underarm because he recently lost by decision in the world cup, CK called it a fluke but analrapists (arrested development reference) thought otherwise, after all he was defeated by one of Synchronicity's best fighters, Merik Hunt. Kind of sad to announce to the KO king Chris Karter, but Pluto is losing his heavy-handedness too and he might have to fight all rounds, if he's as sloppy as he was in his last fight Tweedle Dumb will be throwing a party for Tweedle Dee pretty soon. I think Pluto got it in him to win the fight, but I think he should have had at least one fight in advanced before taking the middleweight challenge. Luckily for Karter, his other fighter who's on much more of a run is fighting, Patrick McWhiskey is fighting for the Light Heavyweight belt against the one and only Nemanja Prijovic who defeated Smokudjo Womba and then Budo Rei in that order (both after beating Binzo Binzo). That's some crazy shit, holding your own against some of Tycoon's best fighters in the game and winning in an incessant basis, can you believe that? Evolution Fight Clan has something going on in EVO, might be rigged. Judging from his last fight Nemanja knows how to break a chin which has already has been broken, and I can't say that Patrick's has but I can't say that it hasn't. Patrick knows how to break a chin not saying Nemanja doesn't have a good chin but I'm not saying he does. All I'm trying to say buy the annoying double text in reverse is that this will be a stand up battle and there will most likely be little to no chance that this fight will go to decision, they are both brawlers who like tasting their own blood, getting kn coked out, and knocking other people out. I know some Serbians are crazy but in Ireland it's a tradition to get into crazy brawls so I'm going to give the fight to the alcoholic, Patrick McWhiskey, hopefully he has his Jameson on deck. He'll probably celebrate with the ratchet irish chick who will be sitting at his corner without panties, singing Irish folk music. How about that, it's confirmed that the Dubliners will be there live playing "All for me Grog"! I'm sure Pat will beat the champ who's been on an incredible run because that's his favorite song. I'm still going to say that Nemanja will probably be Patrick's toughest fight, even tougher than that little redhead that used to bully him when he was a kid, this will be no easy task for either fighter, just two drunken cultures drinking each other to death. Billy Joakim-Antrim will be rooting for Patrick, as he himself is in attendance. Ok Judging from my writing I had a lot of bias and thought some fighters would lose plenty of times but that wasn't the case for Kenichi Shirahama, he has surprised me so much with his ground prowess it really hit me that one of his chokes can slay a dragon. Enter the scene Dustin Douglas, the best fighter in the world who smokes Fidel's Widowed and tames jamaican dragons and drinks green dragon (which is the jamaican green fairy.) These two fighters have been the most exciting in the olympics and I'm already getting an erection thinking of the fight, it will have jamaican models and japanese mistresses literally fucking in the middle of the ring during the fight, I mean if you see Dustin Douglas knockout Shirihama or see Shirimihama sub Douglas, no one will lose, one of the girls will just hop on top of them and bring them up unconscious. If the fight goes to decision the winner takes all of the women and wins the tycoon olympics in the heavyweight section, this fight will be incredible, pussy is inevitable and the winner will either remain number one in tycoon or fall back and lose all their confidence because they lost in the best event in the world, of course they'll be honored but come on, don't you think they'd want to die after losing in that fight? Douglas has shown me that he can take any fight put in front of him so I'm going to give him no benefit of zero doubt and say that he will be the winner of the fight come the third minute of round one. Mega Jug comes to the stand- I'll tell him to write his final words on the forum.