Contenders

[Guest]

Space Mutiny Review.

 

So, the mutiny has been settled, the traitors, liars, and thieves have been found among us, and have been given a boardroom job....erm, I mean they were made to walk the proverbial plank, yes yes that’s it.

 

During the course of the mutiny there were seven, SEVEN! Decision results, thus, making this perhaps the longest paid dry humping, and hugging session known on record. Wins go to Joe Diffe, Guywan Lopez Lopez, Jack Rodgers, Gabriel Finalizador, Riviniho Rivaldo, and John Staal, but wait I hear you cry, weren’t there more fights than that on the card. The answer is of course yes, those fights will be discussed soon enough, but I can tell you that in those three fights, we have 2 (T)KO wins, and that often spoke of, rarely seen result-a draw! Oh my!

 

On with the show, and on to the awards; there were no submissions this week, so obviously nobody wins that. KO of the night goes to Joe Ou for not only his vicious combination styled knockout of Igor Ivanovich but his dominating display of clinch boxing. This was certainly a fight that left the crowd happy, although maybe they were just glad to see a fight finish. The fight of the night, went to the Main Event, so once again that will be covered in due time.

Co Main Event time, and what a closely fought contest this was on the judges’ cards. The first round went to Georgsen who was able to push through three failed takedown attempts, to score so glancing blows in a short striking battle, before finally landing his fourth takedown attempt, inside a minute. From here, Georgsen looked to control, and let the clock wind down. Stack however, was not happy with this, and soon slipped past Georgsen’s defences, and took his back, once here, he looked to strike, but his attempts were unsuccessful. When the end of the round came, the judges decided that Georgsen had done enough to win that one on points, and it was onto the second round.

 

The second round was much the same, three quick takedown attempts were stuffed, and the forth took him down. Once again, Georgsen was happy to control. But, Stack was able to reverse the position and take top control, where he reigned supreme for the rest of the round, but, much to the displeasure of the crowd was unable to do little more than admire Georgsen’s finally tanned body. The judges were not capable of making a unanimous agreement. However, personally, I gave this round to Stack.

 

The final round started with Stack dominating the stand up, and stuffing five takedowns in a row, while trying to score points with punches. Eventually, Stack was taken onto his back, and once again was quickly able to sweep and pass into half guard. This is where the fight stayed, with once again very little attempts from both men to finish it. Judges gave this round to Stack, and the fight ended with both men scoring 29 points, leaving it a draw. I wonder how this fight would have turned out, if both men were a little more aggressive.

 

The Main Event and a finish to boot! Oh rejoice.

 

In the preview I questioned if Slade was going to look to use a mixture of striking and wrestling to keep Grant’s hands at bay. He did not. To begin with Slade seemed happy to counter punch Grant, and was having a reasonable amount of success with it. That was until 2 mins into the fight, Slade clinched, and got a cut, a cut that seemed to wake him up, and by the end of the first round, he was the more aggressive fighter.

As the second round approached it seemed clear that Grant had seen the success he had in the clinch, and wanted to work on the cut he opened on Slade. However, for every clinch attempt Slade was soon able to wiggle out of it, and went back to winding up his bombs. Grant tried to chop down the legs of Slade, using good footwork to jump in and out of range, however, Slade, was able to land a two punch combo that rocked Grant, and followed it up with a big left, that dropped him, the ref had to pull Slade off Grant, calling a TKO win.

 

So that was that-congratulations to our winners, and watch out for the Boards of Canada review coming soon.

[Guest]

Oh look, Im blue...Groovy!

 

Boards of Canada Preview

 

Miranda! I told you I didn’t want visitors today, especially those MMA fans, putting their grubby fingers all over my ice sculptures. What? They are here?....

 

Of course, I kid-welcome people, welcome fans, welcome to the “Boards of Canada “review. I am still Louis Beking, and this is still Contenders, and like the Colonel Gadaffi’s face is still melting, it is still my job to guide you through tonight’s proceedings.

 

Tonight, we bring out the drills, and shovels, tonight, we wade through Rio’s sewers, and bring you live, “fresh” action from the Underground. On show, for your entertainment are the following fighters; Mac Danzig, Liam Lasher, Andreas Bastos, Anderson Pierre, Ryo Funkyama, Chu Ck, Dinsdale Pirhana, and Ghastly Gengar.

The vibrations of wobbling rumours have reached my ears, and they tell me that tonight’s event is named “Boards of Canada” as a thank you to the Canadian Rolf Harris Tribute Band, that will provide the music for the event, thank you to these guys. I can say hand on heart that I never even knew you existed, but now fully endorse you. Its fact time!

 

1. It took 48 hours to mine our way through the surface of Rio to the Underground.

 

2. No Crocodiles were harmed.

 

3. It is thought that Gengar has some new Dark Glasses.

 

4. During the trash talk, he told Obama he was going to get “Sucker Punched.”

 

5. A special discount is in place for anyone with an extra leg.

 

We are almost at the time; it is for the 2nd biggest fight of the evening, the Co Main Event. In this week’s twist on the MMA classic Micky MacNamara, takes on a fighter who always gives the crowd what they want; that’s right, it’s Amanda Hugandkiss! Both fighters are of a similar style and skill making this one, and interesting fight to try an call ( I predict that someone wins.) Stat aficionados will notice that Micky is on a five win streak, in five fights, meaning he is yet to lose, this will help with his confidence, giving him plenty of momentum, and perhaps even a little “intimidation factor,” but, it also adds to the pressure, can his young fragile mind handle it? Or will Hugandkiss, who has had more fights than Micky has had wins, just have to too much experience with other man, in the ring for this poor chap?

 

Tune in to see how many more innuendos occur.

 

On that note, I have some friends, who would like a word:

 

RHOE- Specialists off our back.

 

D.U.N.C.E Nutrition-By the power of Dolphins, we make sure your brain isn’t just filled with echoes.

 

Convicts, Crabs, and Crocodiles that reside in The Underground of Rio, and of course, our esteemed Mr Peg, it is my pleasure to announce to you all that is now time for the Main Event of this very evening...I would like to show you next weeks, but the time machine is broken.

 

This week Victorio Nogueira jostles with the dashing Nate Springs. Both men are evenly matched on the ground, but have completely different styles on the ground, making this one an interesting styles clash. However, if that wasn’t enough to make this a meeting of the mirrors, both men are also on a five fight undefeated streak. I wonder if the facts can separate them.

 

Facts for Mr Nogueria:

 

1. He mastered the art of parallel parking first time around.

 

2. Apparently “Victorio” means “Victory”...crazy!

 

3. Victorio, was born in Rio, giving him the home field advantage.

 

So according to these facts, it would seem he is destined for victory, has the pleasure of seeing his mum in the crowd, and his parking skills would demonstrate a good hand, eye co-ordination. Cheeky!

 

Can Nate facts swing it?

 

1. His last fight ended in a draw, he’ll want to finish early this time

 

2. Nate apparently, means “Nate”

 

3. Nate is hoping to use the gleam of his perfect Canadian smile, to blind his foe.

 

So there we have it, does, the averagely named, yet disturbingly good looking Nate Springs have what it takes to bounce back from the draw last time out? Or has this bout already been decided by fate and destiny?

Only one way to find out...no not ask a friend, watch it you foolish fool!

[Guest]

Luckily you didn't mention anything about Vlad the Impaler, he hates the media

 

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[Guest]

The underground is still pulsating, with the pounding of flesh on flesh, muscle to bone, still ringing, with the echo of bells. Boards of Canada is over, and we left our mark.

This week there were wins for the following tantalising talents;

Mac Danzig, (winning SONT)

Hitmon Lee,

Vlad The Impaler,

Juan Corrida, (who picked up KOTN)

Ryo Funkyama, (who won FOTN along with Philipe Sagat)

Chu Ck,

Dinsdale Piranha,

Ghastly Gengar,

Amanda Hugandkiss, and

Nate Springs.

 

Apologies for the very sparse coverage for this event, but, I am away for the week starting tomorrow, and wanted to write this, and a proper preview for the next event, normal coverage will resume next week, with the review of Black Sun Empire. If there is enough demand, I will re-review this at a later date.

[Guest]

Black Sun Empire Preview!

 

It’s that time again folks, time for my sultry tones, and the age old questions; what are you wearing? Sitting comfortably? Good, because Contenders is once again breaking down your backdoor, and swimming through the sewers under Rio. That’s right my little darlings, we’re back in The Underground.

 

This card is stacked with equal amounts of talented, and hungry competitors, speaking of which, don’t forgot to visit the snack stands that will be set up around the arena... On offer, to sedate, your hunger tonight are; the infamous Raoul Duke, the tender Jonathon Rook, the extra spicy Roger Johnson, the bean special- Rowan Atkinson, just like momma used to make, Billy Slapper, the crispy Fire Fly, the beefy Mike Bison, and last on the undercard pickings, is the wholesome Chris Davison. Our Co-Main Event features, the dish with a kick-The Punchy Pokemon Hitmonchan, as he takes on the upmarket cuisine styling of Raymond Luxury Yacht. While in our Main Event, the creamy Matheus Buckner goes up against, the hot dog, Paul Harris. Tasty!

 

Now, normally, this is the part where I tell you some convoluted story about how the event got its name, well...I am sorry to announce that this week, I am going to do the exact same thing! This week, we are named “Black Sun Empire.” The details are fuzzy on this one, but I think it has a little something to do with a group of fellows, who make music using computers...no, that can’t be right...you can do that? I’ll check my facts.

 

1. Yes you can.

 

2. There is an ongoing debate, regarding the origin of the fighter Raoul Duke, with a minority arguing he is a clone.

 

3. Mike Bison is a fan of Buffalo Bills

 

4. Rowan Atkinson’s favourite actor is...you guessed it! Jackie Chan!

 

5. On our way to the underground, we found a pair of white Nike Airs; if you have lost them please let us know.

 

Ok, so with that cleared up, I think we can move on to one of the reasons we are all here. The reason in question is the Co Main Event of the night. Last time out Hitmonchan, struggled, and eventually tapped out to strikes. Can he extract his revenge this time, or will he get countered? The man, who stands in his way Raymond Luxury Yacht, certainly hopes so, interestingly, Yacht has a win over Timi Hendrix, then man who beat Hitmonchan into submission last time around. If I was Yacht, I would use my more well rounded ground skills to put Hitmonchan on his back and off his feet, where he feels obvious unease. If I was Hitmonchan, I would use my agility, and look for one of my patented Mach Punches, early on.

With that here are quick words from our friends in Rio.

 

RHOE- Putting the erotic, into well...anything.

 

DUNCE Nutrition-take 2 a day and you can count.

 

It is that time again, hide your belongings, while we pay the nice men, and convince them nothing illegal is going on here. Then, after that we can get on with the Main Event! This evening we have the classic striker Vs ground sensei. The striker comes in the form of Buckner, who is predominantly a boxer, but has some good defensive BJJ to go with. The ground sensei is Harris, who is a Black Belt with good top control. Who will be able to impose their will on the opponent, maybe the facts will help.

 

1. Perhaps unsurprisingly Buckner has won most of his fights by (T)KO.

 

2. The Hooligan, a name given to him for his early days as a rabid football (soccer) fan.

 

3. Buckner was approached for his own line of board games, where you balance items on him until he throws them off, but he turned it down.

 

A dangerous man, with experience and focus, this looks like it will be a test for Harris, but what does he have up his sleeve though?

 

1. Harris has won many of his fights by submission, setting the tone for this bout.

 

2. Harris is no stranger to having men on top of him, while he is on his back.

 

3. Harris once worked as a model on the Rio high street.

 

Harris is well versed in the art of making a man his “bitch” from the bottom, who will dominate tonight’s proceedings?

 

Only one way to find out...Visit MMA Tracker!