ForwardPressure

Slick Gunderson: "Psiris Fuhren would like to extend his thoughts and prayers to the family of Lukas Reeves. Nothing personal. Just business. On to the next one."

No more smack talk. No more words. Just action. A new weight class. A new goal. We don't back down from a challenge. PSIRIS FUHREN does NOT back down from a challenge. Nobody wanted to fight Lukas Reeves. We said bring him on. Because we're all human. And everybody dies. Psiris will see you in the cage tonight.

LFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nicely done. Great addition to the org.

Psiris has an insatiable appetite to stand and deliver punishment. He'll be fine. Just make sure you remember to bring the belt. We don't want to have to go down to Boavista to shake you down for it. -Slick

Slick: "A few hours from Pro Series 6, Baldomir wanted to pass along this message to Niki Geo..." "Nikole, please thank Mrs. Sportspower for helping me with the weight cut. It was the easiest my career. Good skill, tonight. You'll most certainly need it."

So it is said. So it shall be written. The war is over.

Slick: "Longsun is a true warrior. He fiercely competed and went down on his sword as swiftly as he did my own mother. Now, he may rest. And Mr. Takahashi and Mr. Lundgren are men of their word. The check cleared. This must be stated for the record, though. Whatever pleasure Mr. Zhao derived from servicing my mother (who is a Ms., it must be known), it was all part of a larger plan. Our strategy all along was to wear Longsun out prior to the fight so Psiris' punches landed harder on that easily-cut chin. Obviously, it worked. By some miracle space-time continuum, Psiris is already back in Vegas and has morning training at the Rubber Guard Emporium. Takahashi, Lundgren, I look forward to the next battle between our figthers. But now, I have something to say to that paper champion of Sucker Punch..." "Wanderson Machado, you absolutely suck. Now that Longsun has fallen, there is only one thing left for Psiris Fuhren, the real goal: That 185-pound title. It is our destiny. Just name a time and place. Wanderson, it's time you had a real fight."

Machado, serious question. Do you plan on defending that title against any legitimate competition? Or just continue to wipe out BJJ players who get cut after the fight because they couldn't hack it. Just curious. Asking for a friend. As far as I'm concerned, the REAL 185-pound champion of Sucker Punch is Psiris Fuhren. The only reason you can even call yourself "Champion" in those cheap car rental commercials you do is because Fuhren wasn't signed in time for the 185-pound tournament.

Longsun's skin is thinner than parchment paper, so it doesn't surprise me he cuts so easily with the Venus razor he uses to scrap peach fuzz off his face. We look forward to sending him into retirement on Aug. 19...or death. Whatever comes first.

Slick Gunderson, translating for Slick Gunderson: Hare, Donkey, I'd like to formally request Herb Dean to be the referee for Psiris' highly-anticipated destruction of Longsun Zhao next week. We want to make sure Psiris can get in as many extra punches as possible to end Longsun definitively and shut Takahashi up. In fact, if this fight ends in similar fashion to the first - when ring personnel had to stop the card for 20 minute to clean up all of Zhao's blood from the canvas, we suggest Longsun hangs up his karategi.

Baldomir is actually clean-shaven. That photo was taken moments after spending the night with Mrs. Sportspower. We'll get that updated. We apologize for the confusion.

Longsun K-Zhao'ed? Tanahaski? You guys see this? It looks like Psiris' kickout still stands as the fastest finish. I know you probably don't remember it so wanted to make sure you guys didn't miss it.

"Niki Geo, should you have the testicular fortitude to accept the fight, Baldomir Barobosa is gonna rip that Gabe Kaplan-wannabe afro off your head on Sept. 2. You have a number next to your name in the welterweight. And we want it." Slick Gunderson

"Luka Marka is coming, he's just got to get his shit together" seriously made me laugh.

We shall bring the soda.

Conor didn't have the balls to face Aldo again because he knew there was no way he could top that performance. Psiris had a record-breaking moment, courtesy of Zhao's chin. He could forget about "The King of Getting Cut" and move onto a deserved title shot or perhaps challenge himself with a more worthy opponent. But unlike Conor, Psiris has the balls to prove that knockout was no fluke. I just got off the phone with him and was told to relay this message: "On August 19, 2020, in Sydney, Australia, we won't just take their money. We'll take their pride. And soon we'll take Wanderson's title." To be sure, this will not be a 10-second knockout. Zhao is too talented to organize such an inept game plan a second time. However, I promise this will be a complete and utter beat down. Put the handkerchief away and pull out your towel, Takahashi. You'll be throwing it in the cage on August 19 to save your fighter's life. The time for talking is over. We'll see you in 27 days.

YOU WANT IT TAKAHASHI/ZHAO/LUNDGREN, YOU GOT IT. Psiris knocked Zhao's head into next week and it'll be a privilege to do it again. And you can make those $250,000 checks payable to Psiris Fuhren and Slick Gunderson after 'The Virus' leaves Zhao laying in a pool of his own blood a second time. Be careful what you ask for, whoever the hell it is I'm even talking to anymore. Because you might just get it. *Picks up microphone, holds it forward, drops it again*

HOW MANY MICROPHONES DO YOU HAVE IN THERE?

I'm warning you, Takahasi. That will be the last time you will ever speak about Sophia Gunderson in that way. The next time you do, I'll make sure Psiris picks up that microphone and shoves it squarely up your ass. Not Longsun's. Yours, Mr. Interpreter.

Oh, you crossed a line there, Takahashi. While I agree Longsun's skin is soft and supple, you will not disrespect my fighter that way. I will have you know the Big Chief Sacred 160 Reduce Energy Loss supplements that Psiris is taking are 100-percent FDA approved. Just to cover all my bases, I sent them to my good friend, Jeff Novitsky, last week and you know what he told me? "We found trace elements of Rhino ejaculate and toad venom in these supplements but there's nothing performance-enhancing about them." It's merely for flavor and sophistication. It's also modern toad venom, not ancient. I don't have that kind of money. While Psiris may soon see his loins shrivel up inside his body as a result of all this, that day is not today. Nor will it be tomorrow. He will be the 185-pound arbitrary champion of this world very soon. And Zhao will bow down to his greatness. If Longsun doesn't, well let's just say he's in for another long night.

Mr. Takahashi, Slick Gunderson here. It's a pleasure to meet you. First off, has Longsun woken up yet? Is he cognitively aware that you're not only signing him up for another beat down...you're willing to pay $500,000 for Psiris to embarrass him again? That wasn't a lucky shot. That was a loud statement. That was a better fighter knocking a worse fighter into next week - not once, not twice, but three times. He cut him, he knocked him down and then he knocked out in 10 seconds. Psiris is in Sucker Punch for one thing and it isn't for Mattias Lundgren's money. It's to become a champion. And long before you desperately started throwing money at Psiris' feet to get back in the cage, he already accepted a title eliminator with Buster Scrubs. The fight is under offer. Now, if Buster and his manager are too scared to accept that fight, then we can talk. But one way or another, Psiris is one fight away from a title shot and he'll beat anyone Sucker Punch puts in his way to make that happen. But that's up to Hare, Donkey, and the rest of the SP brass. Not your daddy's wallet.

DDS will retire Phil Wang on July 10. Assuming, of course, Phil survives.

No more running, Phil Wang and Min Diesel. You both know Wang got lucky back in May. That embarrassing loss this past weekend further proves that. You either win or you learn in this business, and I promise you the Demon Seeker has learned. There is a wrong that must be righted. Sign the contract and seal your fate on July 10.

Tony vs Artem. Make it happen, UFC

Poor guy is just trying to drive around and talk to homeless people.