Pazza

JOE, Set it up!!

Blocker wants the new crowned TUF champion in his next bout. Blocker IS unbeaten and Paulsen better accept if he wants to continue to call himself the Champ because they are still 2 unbeaten fighters that enterd the TUF!

Blocker hears Winters managers quote and bursts into laughter ''AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Who cares if he runs to them, 0 - 1 is the fact you should concentrating on not your entrance. When I've Dispatched MF Jones I am calling out the so called sky jockey Bronco Winters!''

SMACK TALK EXTREME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the finaL lads, if you have a fighter on the card lets hear some nasty (fun) banter..... Blocker has a cardboard cut out of Motherfucka Jones in his lounge and it stinks like booze just like the 0-2 loser. 2 weeks until Blocker stamps all over that ''can't back it up'' FUCK!!

SMACK TALK EXTREME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the fina lads, if you have a fighter on the card lets hear some nasty (fun) banter..... Blocker has a cardboard cut out of Motherfucka Jones in his lounge and it stinks like booze just like the 0-2 loser. 2 weeks until Blocker stamps all over that ''can't back it up''FUCK!!

Blocker ain't standing for none of that shit, after the reindeer-gate scandal which left him hospitalised and unable to fulfil his contract in the tournament, he's back and ready to whip each one of you pussies into shape, Blocaker will take any fight against a current TUUF opponent! ANY!!! And as for the allegations of getting pally with Motherfucka Jones, its quite obvious Blocker is the classier and bigger man and was just consuling that pussy after his losses, him and Bronco are both soo full of hot air that you have to tie them down to stop them from attempting Philleas Foggs Around the world in 80 days.. 0 and 2 Bitches!!

Gents, Firstly I will write what really happened and then I will go back to the fu#ked up role-play (whether you's wanna read or not is up to you). I fucked up, plain and simple!!!! I have spent some time helping Joe promote the UMMA TUF tournament and then my own entrant is a no show. Real life scenario, I got caught up in a cheap short notice (24hour) deal holiday to Tenerife with the missus and forgot to sort my MMATYCOON shit out. Embarrasing for Joe as I am employed by him in UMMA and for that I am truely sorry, and to boot it makes me look like a right NOB!! Please feel free to send abusive messages for the next 30 days as way of some compensation and I will in no way reply defending myself, but just take what is duely deserved. Now for the role-play....... It is 5 days before the start of the UMMA TUF competition and Cock Blocker is out running on the rural Helsinki roads in the wee small hours of the morning, a steady pace of 4:20 a mile and with 4 done of his daily 6 mile runs he's built up a good ol sweat and has his head bobbing away to the dance music on his I-pod. When all off a sudden as he rounds a blind bend, 2 wild reindeers humping each other at the each of the roads clearing spot him coming their way and all hell breaks loose, without a chance of outrunning a fully grown male reindeer in heat (with its massive dong on) and with it's bitch in tow both screaming out of the clearing straight for him, Blocker dives left into a snow drift and fighting for his life with Blitzen and missus in tow, starts running through thigh deep snow as the wild reindeer bear down upon him with a mix of lust and hatred in their eyes. Knowing its futile, Blocker turns just in time to see the male rear up on its hinds legs, with its erect manhood standing up at a fully grown human mans head height, Blocker does exactly what he is named after and delivers a crippling right foot to the tip of the reindeers massive member, howls ring out firstly from the male reindeer as its straight sausage becomes a bloody u-bend and then Blocker lets out and equally all mighty roar of pain as the Blitzen's missus blinds sides Blocker and he is proppled high into the air from the 4 legged quim toting 400 hundred pound santa propeller (and tha's only the females!). Seeing only stars as he spins through the air and falls 30 yards away only to land on the edge of a steep slope and then is semi-conciously turned into a fleshy bobsleigh as gravity takes him away from further 4 legged torment, Blocker slips into unconciousness for the 1st time in his life, KO'd by one Santa big-ass helpers like a circius freak show. He awakens hours later propped against a privet bush, the sun beeming down from the midday sun, but this is rural Helsinki and the sun is providing little warmth for the broken MMA fighter, he stands with great diffculty and hobbles back in the direction of the road, the cold gripping at his flesh through his torn and bloodied sweat suit. He makes it to the road and stumbles a few hundred yards up the road before his limbs stop responding to his brain's instructions and he falls again into unconciousness again, sweet grip of hypathermia slowly taking him away... Car Headlights approach and slow as they near his prostraight lifeless body........... Days pass and Blocker is not seen at the UMMA AKA gym. In another independant wierd twist of feat his manager Gazza Pazza has also gone AWOL. Rumours spread like wildfire and none of Gazza Pazza's stable situated around the world can verify either of their whereabouts. The tournament starts and a replacement steps in, their whereabouts still unknown. Mr Joe Burn's initial Anger at being let down turns to ..........................(feel in the blank Joe)

Billy Bob Griffman, the local MMA reporter has been hanging around UMMA's HQ all day for the press conference and looking for the fallout from the fighters finally confirmed in the TUF team announcements. He spots 145'lber Cock Blocker and drags his cameraman after him making a beeline for him BB Griffman: 'Blocker, what's your opinion on todays selections and how do you think you will cope with your new coach Feyd Harko?' Blocker: 'Turn that fucking camera off you nonce, don't you blindside me like that with your gorilla style reportng again or this tournament will kick off early, let me check my shit is tight and then you can have your interview maggot' BB Griffman: 'Oh okay, okay. Phil turn the fucking camera off!!' Blocker straightens his threads and hair out, then approaches the camera and flashes a hollywood smile, Griffman knows this is the cue and that this egotistical meathead MMA killing machine is ready to hurl some more abuse at him and every other mutha on topic. BB Griffman: 'Phil, 3, 2, 1 roll - Here we are outside UMMA Media HQ with Cock Blocker, one of the lucky selections to enter the TUF household and be part of Coach Harko's TEAM BRUTAL DELUXE. So Blocker you have been selected as one of the 145'ers to line up against Bradley Burns selections, do you have any thoughts on your housemates and coaches? Blocker: 'First off pal! Luck has nothing to do with it, I work hard, train hard, fight HARD! And Joe Burn and the Coaches have seen that and I am grateful to them for this. Now about the coaches, I have nothing to say about Bradley Burns one way or another, hes not my coach and that's that as for Coach Feyd, I will be grateful for his input into helping me reshape the faces of my opponents. Finally my so called housemates - Clean up after your sorry selves and keep your mouthes shut and we'll all get along fine. I am happy though that Bumfight regular Muthfucka Jones and Sky Jockey Bronco Winters are possible opponents on the opposite side of the ladder. You all know my opinion on Jones and it won't be soon enough before that muppet is back in the gutter and then Winters will also be flying cargo planes full of rubber dogshit out of Hong Kong. I can't say anything about the other cause the faggots have been quieter than deaf mutes.' With that Blocker flashes that Hollywood smile again and walks off. Griffman turns to the camera with the rain starting falll over Helsinki in the background and finishes his report. BB Griffman: 'There you have it, a grateful if unimpressed fighter just waiting now to enter the Cage / Ring or Octagon to prove his metal and trust me when I say if he told me to clean up after myself, I'd start my own dry Cleaners, this is Billy-Bob Griffman reporting outside UMMA Media HQ'

Cock Blocker and Gazza Pazza approach the public entrance to the Kamppi Arena early in anticipation of UMMA's 39th presentation, Gazza dressed in his usual Mexican amigo style attire and in jubilant mood. The conversation is seriously off topic though and Blocker is doing his best to raise his managers blood pressure to potentially fatal levels, surprisingly though today Gazza is not biting and remains calm as the stride through the large foyer. Heads turn and whispers are muttered through muted lips, is this the calm before the storm will Gazza burn off with another morally sound rant or has he other things on his mind allowing him to blissfully ignore his newest employee's bullshit. Gazza see's Mr Joe Burn racing around the arena like a tazmanian devil, ensuring that all is well before the TV coverage starts and the pre-lims get under way. ''Joe, JOE! Relax pal everything is good to go, have a cold one and greet the VIPs man, you'll give yourself a hernia if you keep going like this'' Gazza also sees Feyd Harko & Bradley Burns creating a tornado of hype around their fighters tonight, as UMMA fans will know, tonights event 'UMMA Emergancy Room' is the pivotal beginning for the upcoming TUUF series season one and the winner of tonights match between Fury & Slanger will give the advantage to either Coach Burns or Coach Harko allowing them to have the choice of picking their fight team first or first week match ups. So as Gazza Pazza and Blocker make their way to their seats and the arena fills, the atmosphere is palpable and static electricity is brissiling from every metallic surface. UMMA Emergancy Room is here folks and the doctors better be prepared because it's gonna be BRUTAL!!

All of my guys need sponsorships, link on manager profile. Happy to accept any offers for 30 days, there's a few guys with decent hype.

''The Rice Krispie Killer'' Golden Glory No idea why but its sounds fooking awesome to me, just say it out loud.

The referee steps to the centre of the octagon and loudly announces ''Final Round!! You ready? You ready? Alright lets do this!!'' The crowd is going banana's as Gazza and CKeppelrun approach each other raise their arms and touch gloves to start the round. Both men take one step back and then attack; CKeppelrun springs from his stance with a flying TIGER KNEE, Gazza sees it coming and sidesteps throwing his left arm to the floor and spinning his legs and torso upwards into a Spinning BIRDIE KICK. ##TWACK!!!!## As CKeppelrun feet touch down from his missed strike he turns his head only to see stars as Gazza'S left, then right, then left followed by his right... followed by his left and then his right foot makes contact again, again, again, again & again. The crowd is stunned, silence reigns over the arena, the commetator drops his microphone and in a slow motion cinematic sequence that would give a Matrix fan a stiffy, CKeppelrun follows the microphone to the floor. His semiconsious groans as he falls sounds erreilly like 'I'm too old for this sh!t'' The referee immediately jumps between the fighters to save CKeppelrun from any further punishment. Gazza stops spinning and a lythe as a ballerina returns to a standing upright pose with both fists on his hips in man pose. The crowd goes ape sh!t and Bruce Buffer announces ''Aaaand your winner by way of SPINNING BIRDIE KICK KO, Gaaaaaaaazza Pazzaaaaaaa!!!''

Jedward Vs Jedward? Velcro Vs Blue-tac? Billy Elliot Vs Billy Piper? WWE Vs Strikeforce roster? (sore point?) Mr Miyagi Vs Splinter (From Ninja turtles)

GENIUS!!!! What better way to waste a Saturday afternoon in work than pondering the biggest most meaningful question that the universe could throw at us. My answer after 5 minutes choking with laughter at the question and 5 seconds pondering the outcome: JESUS

Blocker strolls from the gym Steam room after another early morning ball busting cardio session. He switches the main floor lights on and the octagon is lit up like the modern day gladitoral battleground that it is, he gazes over at the wall clock; 08:30am. Blocker: mutters to himself ''Whats that stench? Ooh yeah, the pitiful remnants of some poor attempt at talking smack, it hangs in the air overwhelming the stale odour of many hour hardwork and sweat.'' Blocker smiles at himself and moves over the the heavybag lying on the floor for some Slam training. Blocker: sings to himself ''Grab a bitch around his waist and slam him on his head'' ''If you haven't knocked him out, do it once again'' ''Peel him off the floor and start again once more'' Blocker finishes his slam training and reports the managers office to talk his manager(and the gym owner). Blocker ''Gazza we need another new heavy slam training bag!'' Gazza Pazza ''You done it again Blocker haven't ya, did you at least clean up after yourself?'' Blocker ''Ha right boss, you employ me to crush skulls not clean up the gym'' Gazza Pazza ''Fuck sake man, I'll call down to the maintenance staff shortly. Tell me how training going'' Blocker ''You are too uptight boss, maybe I can introduce you to a couple of my physio troop ehh? Cindy works wonders with peppermint rub. Training is sweet, on schedule. No worries'' Gazza Pazza ''On your way man, its a good thing your missus is open minded. At least have another shower your filthy mind is stinking up the place'' With that Gazza gets back to work and Blockers struts out comtemplating his bosses words, more about introducing Cindy to his missus than having a shower, but he's planning to accomplish both.