WAR DECLARED ON RUSSIA - WW3 - ITS ON

[Steel]

The Russian President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

'Hallo, Mr. Putin!' a heavily Manx accented voice said. 'This is Quayler down at the Whitehouse Pub in Peel , Isle of Man . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We wont tolerate your contravention of international law in that place Ukraine.’

'Well Quayler,' Putin replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?' 'Right now,' says Quayler, after a moment's calculation, 'there is meself, me Cousin Ray, me next door neighbour Tony Kelly, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'

Putin paused. 'I must tell you, Quayler, that I have 700,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Christ Yessir!' says Quayler. 'I'll have to ring you back.' Sure enough, the next day, Quayler calls again. 'Mr. Putin, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be Quayler?' Putin asks. 'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and the Ballacry farm tractor off old man Faragher.'

Putin sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Quayler, that I have 15,000 tanks and 8,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 1,150,000 since we last spoke.'

'Saints preserve us!' says Quayler. 'I'll have to get back to you..' Sure enough, Quayler rings again the next day. 'Mr. Putin, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie Jones ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Creek Inn have joined us as well!'

Putin was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Quayler, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 1,500,000!'

'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Quayler, 'I will have to ring you back.' Sure enough, Quayler calls again the next day. Hows it goin yessir . I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'

'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Putin. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'

'Well,' says Quayler 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Pendle and two packets of pork scratchings, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 1,500,000 prisoners, and we can only get the tractor at weekends.’

[cymon123]

The title made me nervous, but this made me laugh. Hahaha, that silly little Quayler