Convicted Fight Club: The New Breed

Rambo · September 16, 2016

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/1300066337C%20F%20Club.jpg

After negotiating a hefty fee with Convicted co-founder Chris Karter, we obtained an exclusive pass into Convicted Fight Club.

After signing a waiver we weren't allowed to take pictures of the state of the art facility. But we did get to meet the coaches.

http://i.imgur.com/pwhQwqX.jpg

It was one of the most exhilarating and terrifying experiences in my life. It was truly a colorful cast of characters that contained some of the greatest mixed martial artist of all time. Fidel Puno and Don Marciano were much more massive in person. I nearly pissed myself when Don asked me what I was doing there. I was fairly certain that Puno was going to throw me out of the gym like one of the giant boulders he was tossing around for practice. Taz Rutten single legged me to the canvas, Pluto Palhares slapped on an armbar and wouldn't let go even though I was tapping out faster than Quacky Chan and the french army, Moses Diggs belittled me as a human being with words borderlining ebonics I couldn't understand, Jumo Sudo made me eat his egg and rice bowl while Dante sat across the table from me and just stared... it sent chills down my spine... I was almost positive I was going to get shanked. Ben Stone and Ziggy Cliff were just too god damn high to even talk. On a positive note, one of the wrestling coaches, Lance St Pierre, was genuinely nice, and to be honest, it didn't look like he aged a bit from his CFC days. Then there was Qing Kong, one of the greatest KT fighters of all time, who Karter had to continue to remind to stop feinting kicks and karate chops at me.

"So why are you here?"

"To interview you..."

"Will you stop lollygaggin' with my coaches and get to the point then."

"There were a couple moments where I thought they would kill me."

"Imagine how I feel. I'm the one writin' their checks. They try to extort me for more cash every other week. You ever see a Puno get angry? I'm goin' broke replacing the damn walls in this place."

"It's a state of the art facility, everything looks brand new. To the point sir, we've recently heard rumors in the QFC market, a lot of guys representing the Convicted Fight Club camp making their debuts. We were just interested in the new breed, this new generation we were hearing so much about."

"You came to the best damn facility in the world, to talk about those guys over there?"

"Uh, well, yes."

"You see that guy who just got knocked the fuck out by Leonidas with a head kick? That's Diego 'El Diablo' Escobar. A colombian from the cocaine capital of the world. He can rail lines off a hooker's tit all night, but he can't dodge a kick for shit."

"I heard he had a good chin.."

"Did that look like a good chin to you? He's just too damn high to feel anything. That guy over there, the short ugly one, no not Qing Kong, the other one, yeah, him. Khesar Dorje. I don't even know how to pronounce his fuckin' name. He's a monk from Bhutan and don't speak a lick of english and he doesn't learn a god damn thing in here. He just kicks, punches, and gets tapped out. Dumber than a box of fuckin' rocks if you ask me."

"Does he have any KO power?"

"Sure, but when you're on your back on the ground and can't defend a takedown to save your ass, it doesn't matter. That bald guy over there, talking about how good he is. Some greek dude Hero Galanos. He's not good at all. Great name though and has a good smile."

"He seems confident at least."

"You see the guy with the red mohawk? That's 'The Saint' Patrick Kingsbury. He just got here a couple days ago. Irish. Drunk. Hits hard and can take a punch but I don't think he's learned a thing since he's been here. We found him sleeping in the laundry room a couple nights ago. Most of the time he can't even remember to show up to the right gym."

"He looks sober enough right now..."

"He pissed his pants this morning he was so wasted. You see the guy who forgot to shave over there? Rambo Jackson. Only damn American we have here. Seriously, I wish I was kidding. He's got potential but he just swings for the damn fences. Guy has no technique at all. Sloppy. Stoned. He's been hanging out with Ziggy and Ben too much. He thinks he's a Rastafarian now."

"Jesus christ. What the hell are you gonna do? This is a gym that preaches pissing excellence.."

"If anybody can turn this band of misfits into competitive fighters, it's the best damn gym on the planet. It's a long shot, but I have the best damn coaches in the world, and the best damn facility too. With my strategic prowess, they might actually become reasonable fighters one day."