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Sitting Down With a Legend

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  1. 1. Who is the baddest dude?

    • Merrimac Mjolnir
      7
    • Aloha Hoi
      11

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In a sport like Mixed Martial Arts, there are many roads to the top. Some people make it there by being exceptionally gifted athletes, some are fantastic martial artists who have excelled in one or several disciplines, and some are just caged animals eager to bring their prey down and savor their blood. Today's interview subject is neither of these things, while at the same time being one of the most loved and cherished fighters in the game today. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Aloha Hoi

 

Reporter:"What got you interested in fighting in the first place?"

 

Hoi: "Growing up in Honolulu was tougher than any fight I've ever been in. My parents were Polynesians, and I grew up in a poverty-ridden part of the city. My parents wanted me to get out of the slum, and sacrificed damn near everything to see that through. They gave me the name "Aloha", which means both "hello" and "peace" in Hawaiian, as sort of a good luck charm.

 

My father died from a stabbing when I was 10, leaving behind me and my mother. Furious at my father's attackers, I swore to become the strongest man on the planet. I enrolled in my school's wrestling program, and wrestled all through high school. Originally I was planning to pursue a degree in criminal law, but by the time I graduated I decided that academics weren't anything for me. In order to support my mother, I worked as a waiter and a contractor before I by chance got a job working doors at a local night club through a friend of my uncle. In order to do my job better I started training in boxing.

 

The door job was originally supposed to be a temporary deal, but I was decent with people and obviously came in handy in scuffles, so I never really quit doing it. The Honolulu club scene is pretty weird, man. We'd never get any trouble from the locals, but I ended up in a lot of fights with tourists and American soldiers over the years on the job, and eventually got my reputation as "the toughest maoli in Honolulu". I kept boxing, and though my coach kept trying to talk me into it I never had any matches because I saw it as an useful tool and nothing else.

 

My interest from MMA sparked when some of the guys I worked with bought the CFC 65 PPV, which was headlined by YB Sol versus Jesus Gonzalez. I was vaguely familiar with the sport, but it had never really caught my eye before. Long story short, we all saw how that particular fight panned out, and I guess I just got sucked into it. It's still my favorite fight to this day.

 

I wasn't familiar with submissions or anything like that, so I ended up buying YB Sol's "Mastering Submissions" DVD and practicing with a couple of my friends at the beach. About a month after I watched Sol vs Gonzo I had my first professional cage fight in Hilo, which I won in 8 seconds by KO. I guess it just took off from there."

 

"...Gay is looking to clinch, but Hoi ducks down and throws a big overhand right - it lands flush on the jaw, knocking Gay out cold! The fight is over!..."

 

 

Reporter:"Following your brilliant debut fight you rattled off two straight KO wins before getting the call from MMA behemoth Blitzkrieg. What did you learn from your time spent in the lower level organization you debuted in?"

 

"...Hoi feints a kick and comes over the top with a right hand, followed by a left hook - both land, sending Mirchoffski crashing to the mat! This one is all over!..."

 

"...Hoi dances in with a quick combination. Bain is being worked over with jabs and crosses. Oooh, a right straight from Hoi snaps Bain's head back. bain stumbles backwards against the cage. Hoi steps forward and delivers a right cross that connects with Bain's jaw, simultaneously knocking him out and sending his mouthpiece into the crowd! There's a worthy souvenir for the fans. This one is over folks. Bain just didn't come prepared...."

 

Hoi: "Haha, the Bain fight definitely showed off my hands all right! I wonder if anyone still has that mouthpiece lying around...

 

In my second and third fight I faced a couple of wrestlers, who I disposed off fairly easily thanks to my own wrestling background. By the time I got into Blitzkrieg, I had joined a real MMA gym and already earned my blue belt in jiujitsu. For the longest time people considered me to be an one-dimensional slugger, which couldn't be further from the truth. Fighting two wrestlers that early definitely led to me largely using my ground game to get back to my feet, though. In a different scenario I might have turned into a submission grappler."

 

"...Hoi drops Mason with a straight left! Oh this is bad for Mason! Hoi dives in and starts dropping bombs - the referee has no choice but to step in and save him!..."

 

"...Hoi grits his teeth and throws a big right-left combo! ORiordan takes both shots clean on the chin and is out cold! Hoi cracks him once more on his way down, as the crowd goes wild! They enjoyed that one!..."

 

"...Hoi connects with a picture perfect right hand that knocks BUPHALICIOUS out cold! This one is over in a flash!..."

 

"...Hoi cracks McGavin with a hook to the temple - McGavin is on wobbly legs here! Hoi swarms him with hook after hook, landing with each one! McGavin falls to the canvas face first and the referee dives in to stop the fight! Hoi wins by TKO!..."

 

Reporter:"In Blitzkrieg you silenced many critics by scoring four straight first round stoppages, three of them within the first minute, before running into a road block in a fight with crafty veteran Yoshi Sushi. How did this loss impact you and your future gameplans?"

 

Hoi: "Honestly, it didn't bother me much. If anything it showed that I had the gifts and tools to hang with fighters much more skilled than myself. It did give me the kick in the ass I needed to really start working on my clinch, though, which I showed off in my next fight. The biggest change in tactics came after the first Leon Kaiser fight."

 

 

"...Hoi creates some distance for himself and unleashes a massive uppercut that sends Johnstone's eyes rolling into the back of his head! Johnstone drops to his knees and Hoi pours it on with more strikes until the referee steps in to end the bout!..."

 

Reporter:"After losing a highly entertaining back and forth brawl with top prospect Leon Kaiser, many people wrote you off as nothing more than an exciting gatekeeper. What changed with you after this fight?"

 

Hoi: "Before running into Kaiser, I'd always considered kicks to be flashy bullshit that was made for the silver screen and not the steel cage, hahaha.... That was an interesting fight, we both kicked each other's asses, and I still maintain that I would have stopped him if it was a five-rounder.

 

Anyways, I realized how important leg kicks were for any fighter worth his salt. I started working dilligently on using my legs as weapons, and it paid off in the Jenkins fight when I managed to set up the KO blow with a constant barrage of fists and shins."

 

"...Hoi fires a straight punch through the middle that cracks Jenkins square on the jaw! Damn, Jenkins is out cold on his feet and topples face first to the canvas! Wow, I haven't seen a knockout that brutal in a long time!..."

 

Reporter:"Riding high on a four-fight win streak, you found yourself challenging alliance mate and undisputed #1 heavyweight on the planet, Mr. Travis Reed, for the championship title. You were written off as a sacrificial lamb by everyone else than your long-time manager, who on several occasions claimed that you were going to put Reed to sleep in the first. Please walk us through your gameplan for the Reed fight, which to this day still is your biggest name win."

 

Hoi: "I knew Reed was fond of using constant pressure and his precision striking to bust people open. As I'd bled on more than one occasion before, I figured he'd try to work me over that way. Being the smaller guy I also figured he'd try to use his speed to explode in and out, and I decided that my best shot was to catch him as he either came in or in the middle of his combinations. The results speak for themselves, I guess."

 

"...Hoi connects with a stiff jab that staggers Reed - oh and he follows up with a huge uppercut that knocks him out cold! Man, that was brutal!

 

Ladies and gentlemen, after 0:46 of round 1, we have a winner by way of KO (Punches). Aloha Hoi!

Aloha Hoi is the new heavyweight champion!

..."

 

Reporter:"Before finishing the job with your patented right uppercut, you dropped him twice in fourty seconds and silenced your critics. While your title reign only lasted for two title defenses before you fell on hard times, it's legendary and considered to be one of the finest in Blitzkrieg history. After defeating Leon Kaiser handily in your rematch, however, your career took an unexpected turn."

 

Hoi: "To be perfectly honest with you, I expected to crush Bubba and his frenetic pace, but he caught me with my pants down. I had no idea how to deal with the constant beating, and I just.. fuck man, he just kicked my ass. After that I lost two more fights pretty much the exact same way, getting thoroughly outclassed both in the clinch and on the feet. I managed to catch a lucky break versus Qing Nan Lee by using my wrestling roots to smash him on the ground, and the Blitzkrieg brass decided to ask me if I'd be interested to fight Super Heavyweight champ Starship Pain on short notice. I got my ass kicked there too, though I blame that on my gameplanning. I could and should have pulled off the upset there.

 

After that I made the dumbest decision of my career and paid dearly for it. I can't say I didn't learn from it, though!"

 

"...Ryan is stalking Hoi. Hoi circles to his left. Keeps circling left. Bam! Straight right from Ryan, and it's lights out! Hoi really payed the price for that rookie mistake...."

 

Reporter:"You got caught circling into Jack Ryan's power hand, and got knocked unconscious. How could you make such an obvious mistake?"

 

Hoi: "Eh, I'd been dropped three times in two minutes already. I'm surprised I was able to stand up straight in the first place. I was wobbled really badly and didn't even know where I was, so I fucked up and lost because of it. It is what it is."

 

Reporter:"You are currently riding on an eight-fight winning streak going into your second fight with top heavyweight Merrimac Mjolnir tonight on Pay Per View. Give us your thoughts on your current winning streak and Merrimac as an opponent."

 

Hoi: "I think I've showed that I'm finally evolving as a fighter again, which I haven't really done since Kaiser kicked my ass back when I was still a kid. My strength of schedule has been pretty weak, but I think the Rekdal, McMorrow and Boubeez wins make up for that. I'm fighting a guy who's kicked mine and everyone's asses tonight, so I hope that will make my fans happy.

 

Mjolnir is an entirely different animal from when I fought him. He's faster than me, just as powerful as me and incredibly skilled. I would be honored to lose to a guy like Merrimac again, but I'm not planning to. Win or lose, I don't intend to leave the first round. I'm getting to the point where injuries and age might catch up to me at any given time, so I'm just looking to fight the toughest while I still can. Don't misunderstand me though, if I meet Father Time at the next crossroad, I'll happily beat his ass too."

 

"...Hoi throws a quick head kick that knocks Sane silly! This fight is all over! What a finish! Hoi is up on the cage, taking in the applause from the crowd...."

 

"...Hoi throws a quick head kick that knocks Rekdal silly! This fight is all over! What a finish! Hoi is up on the cage, taking in the applause from the crowd...."

 

"...Hoi drops Killer with a naaaaasty hook - Killer is in real trouble here! Hoi dives in to side control and pounds out his opponent for a TKO victory! The crowd goes nuts!..."

 

"...Hoi catches Volkov with a right, a left, a right. It's raining punches and Volkov forgot an umbrella! Another punch and he's down. This one is over!..."

 

"...De Troyer walks into a picture perfect straight right hand from Hoi! He's gone down face first to the canvas, unconscious before he even hit the floor! Ohhhh. My. Goodness! That boys and girls was a beautiful knockout! Give that man a biscuit!..."

 

"...Hoi throws a monster overhand right that drops Machida! Hoi follows up with more strikes from mount and the fight is all over!..."

 

"...Are you kidding me?! Hoi ducked down and unloaded an uppercut from hell that sent McMorrow clean off his feet! Someone make me a GIF - that's knockout of the night for sure!..."

 

Hoi: "I'd like to thank Shiv VVhorra and Matty Blayze for always believing in me, Johnny Wonnut for being a fantastic org owner, my mother for always supporting me and my manager for covering my pineapple pizza expenses."

 

Reporter:"Aloha Hoi, ladies and gentlemen!"

 

The crowd goes nuts as Hoi leaves the room, a hail of panties and pineapples landing on the stage. Aloha Hoi is fighting Merrimac Mjolnir live on Pay Per View TONIGHT in Los Angeles. Don't blink.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/scoutfight.php?fida=41258&fidb=24699

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Stu_Pidasol Red Belt

Stu_Pidasol

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Win or lose Hoi is fighting O Fortuna next I believe. If I win both those fights I'd love that though.

 

There is a bloke called Harry Bush... who is starting to put together a run at the Blitz heavyweight title... Don't worry he has taken his ticket and will be waiting in line for a shot at Hoi...

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There is a bloke called Harry Bush... who is starting to put together a run at the Blitz heavyweight title... Don't worry he has taken his ticket and will be waiting in line for a shot at Hoi...

 

Please, Attila is taking your lunch money.

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