TAYNE Posted April 26, 2016 Report Share Posted April 26, 2016 Renee Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Would you like something to drink?" Descartes responds "I think not" and vanishes. -------------- A chemist walks into a bar. He tells the bartender "I'd like some h2o please." Another man at the bar hears this and says "That sounds good. I'd like some h2o too." The second man dies. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAYNE Posted April 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2016 A man dies and wakes up in Hell. A demon approaches him as he screams and cowers. "Whoa buddy, settle down ok?" says the demon. "Look, it's not as bad as they say down here. It's a big party every day. Do you like booze?" "Hell yeah," says the man." I drink like a fish!" "Well, on mondays, we roll out the bar cart and drink until we pass out. Do you smoke?" "Yeah!" "Well on tuesdays we get out the bongs and the pipes and smoke whatever we like. Weed, crack, cuban cigars, whatever." "Awesome!" "Are you gay?" "No..." "Oh, well you're not going to like Wednesdays." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenlow73 Posted April 27, 2016 Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 Well, I like the LOD one.... A guy walks into a bar, the next guy ducks.... A dyslexic guy walks into a bra... A guy walks up to another guy in a saloon and says to him "I bet you $50 a can make you horse laugh and cry". The second guy says you're on. The first guy walks out of the saloon and says something to the horse. The horse starts laughing hysterically. Then the guy does something else and the horse starts crying. The first guy walks back into the bar and the second guy asks "How did you do that?" The first go says "I told him my dick was bigger than his, then I showed him." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAYNE Posted April 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 Two circus midgets get fired on the same day. They decide to drown their sorrows in liquor and whores. They drink their fill and book adjoining rooms at the cathouse. The first midget goes into the room with his hooker and gets ready for action. Unfortunately he's had too much to drink and he can't get it up. "Ah, get out of here you whore. I'm going to sleep" he tells the hooker. As he's passing out he hears grunting noises and voices in the next room... "ONE TWO THREE HAH! ONE TOO THREE YAAAHH! ONE TO THREE HHUUUNNNGGGGGHHH!" and thinks "oh great that dirty midget is getting laid and I'm not. The next morning they're having breakfast. The second midget asks if the first had a good time. "Nah, I couldn't get it up. Sounded like you were having a good time." The second midget replies "Good time? I couldn't even get in the fucking bed!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UniConor Posted April 27, 2016 Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 Whats the funniest thing you'll see today? Mickey Hart call somebody else useless and confused 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 27, 2016 Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenlow73 Posted April 27, 2016 Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 Have you heard about the band called 999MB? They can never get a gig. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolf Posted April 27, 2016 Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 Where did Mickey's post go? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenlow73 Posted April 27, 2016 Report Share Posted April 27, 2016 looks like a mod hid them 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAYNE Posted April 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2016 Q: What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A: A pilot, you racist! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenlow73 Posted April 28, 2016 Report Share Posted April 28, 2016 A neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a drink?" The bartender says "For you, no charge." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 28, 2016 Report Share Posted April 28, 2016 looks like a mod hid them that's the best joke so far Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenlow73 Posted April 29, 2016 Report Share Posted April 29, 2016 I know a guy that's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop at anytime. PMS jokes aren't funny, Period. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 I was about to tell a joke about 9/11... but a friend told me I was just plane wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenlow73 Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 A doctor tells a blonde she is pregnant. The blonde asks the doctor "Is it mine?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 1, 2016 Report Share Posted May 1, 2016 A doctor tells a blonde she is pregnant. The blonde asks the doctor "Is it mine?" that is actually a valid question: http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/shes-twin/story?id=2315693 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 1, 2016 Report Share Posted May 1, 2016 Did your here the joke about the wheely bin?????? .....it's rubbish!! Have you heard the joke about the 40ft wall?????? ....... I couldn't get over it!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 What's so great about 29 year olds? There are 20 of them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenlow73 Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 When I woke up this morning I felt like an 8 year old. Then I thought to myself, where am I going to find and 8 year old this early in the morning. A man comes home to find his wife with her bags packed. "Where are you going?" he asks. "I saw on the TV that you're a pedophile" she replied. He asks "What do you know, you're only 8 years old?" A guy is banging a chick and it's getting crazy, I mean headboard hitting the wall crazy. So, he decides to stick it in her ass. Surprised she looks up and asks what his is doing. He replies "The way this was going, I thought maybe you were into it." She responds "That was awful presumptuous of you." He replies "Presumptuous? That's an awful big word for a 12 year old." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oluwafolajimi Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 Please don't joke about Islam! 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GBK16 Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 What do you call a drunk Muslim? Muhammered 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oluwafolajimi Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 You are very lucky my friend that cursing is forbidden in Islam. As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 How do Muslims practice safe sex? They mark the camels that kick Why wasn't the camel able to be used for drivers ed? It was scheduled to be used in sex ed What's the hardest part about a Muslim killing his daughter? Suppressing the erection 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GBK16 Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 You are very lucky my friend that cursing is forbidden in Islam. As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu. I'm not your friend, mate 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAYNE Posted May 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 You are very lucky my friend that cursing is forbidden in Islam. As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu. I was really hoping you'd have a fun avatar. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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