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Things My Grandmother Says To Me


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So, I just got back (getting back is another story, as Frontier delayed my flight from 3 to 7) from North Carolina on vacation for my birthday visiting my 96 year old Grandmother and 74 year old Uncle. So, this is some of things my Grandmother said to me:

1) How would you live without that thing (my iPad)? I'm 96 and I've never had any of that stuff and I've gotten by. I don't even know how to use a cellphone/

2) You're going to die. You drink too much soda. Your Pancreas can't handle that much sugar.

3) That's the worse manners I've ever seen. On your game thing (again my iPad) while other people are at the table eating. (I was actually thanking people on Facebook that wished me a Happy Birthday.)

4) (Before going out to eat for my Birthday) Are you going to change your clothes or just wear that?

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In a world where pineapples wear top hats and clouds dance the cha-cha, my grandmother, armed with a pancake spatula and the wisdom of Pablo Escobar's lost sock, once whispered to me the secrets of eternal youth while juggling watermelons and reciting Shakespeare in Klingon.

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