Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round for the most anticipated spectacle since your uncle tried to breakdance at the family reunion: “Just Some Fights 7”! Brought to you by the ever-classy sponsor, Dirty Dicks, this event was held on January 11, 2025, at the Liberty Dome in New York. Let’s dive into the chaos, shall we?
Attendance and Ticket Sales:
• Free tickets: 2,250 (Because who wouldn’t want to attend for free?)
• Tickets sold: 1,778 (Apparently, 1,778 people didn’t get the memo about the free tickets.)
• Total attendance: 4,028 (The Liberty Dome hasn’t seen this much excitement since that one time a pigeon got loose during a basketball game.)
Event Rating: 160.51
(The highest so far, but let’s be honest, it’s like being the tallest dwarf.)
Fight Results:
• 205 lbs Bout:
• Dusty Rhodeovs. The Wilson
• Result: Submission (Triangle Choke)
• Round 1, 03:21
• Review:Dusty Rhodeo lassoed The Wilson into a triangle choke faster than you can say “Yeehaw!” Two first-round finishes in a row? Someone’s been eating their Wheaties.
• 135 lbs Bout:
• Destin Cravenvs. Bartlomiej Jan
• Result: TKO (Kick & Punches)
• Round 2, 00:37
• Review:Craven unleashed a flurry that left Bartlomiej Jan questioning his life choices. Note to self: Blocking punches with your face is not an effective strategy.
• 135 lbs Bout:
• Kodiyak Reddvs. Shu Fang Tzeng
• Result: Decision (Unanimous)
• Round 3, 05:00
• Review:Kodiyak Redd and Shu Fang Tzeng danced around the cage for three rounds, with Redd leading the waltz. Judges unanimously agreed: Redd’s got the moves like Jagger.
• 205 lbs Bout:
• Omar Bongavs. Bruce Wagner
• Result: Submission (Kimura)
• Round 1, 01:58
• Review:Omar Bonga twisted Bruce Wagner’s arm into positions that would make a yoga instructor proud. Wagner’s flexibility? Not so much.
• 145 lbs Bout:
• Tapani Kangasvs. Rocco Damato
• Result: Decision (Unanimous)
• Round 3, 05:00
• Review:In a bout that could cure insomnia, Kangas edged out Damato. Fight of the Night? More like Nap of the Night.
• 185 lbs Bout:
• Danny Trejovs. Danielos Tiger
• Result: TKO (Strikes)
• Round 1, 04:59
• Review:Danny Trejo channeled his inner “Machete” and hacked down Danielos Tiger just before the bell. KO of the Night? More like “Don’t mess with Danny.”
• 170 lbs Bout:
• Ronaldo Gomesvs. Mr. Bean
• Result: Submission (Guillotine)
• Round 1, 04:57
• Review:Ronaldo Gomes caught Mr. Bean in a guillotine, proving that slapstick comedy doesn’t translate well to the octagon.
• 265 lbs Bout:
• Alex Silvavs. Steven Seagal
• Result: Submission (Triangle)
• Round 1, 01:25
• Review:Alex Silva made quick work of Steven Seagal, who apparently forgot that movie fight scenes aren’t real.
• 265 lbs Bout:
• Booger Mageevs. Jennson Jameison
• Result: KO (Punches)
• Round 1, 00:56
• Review:Booger Magee blew away Jennson Jameison in under a minute. Bless you!
• 205 lbs Bout:
• Erich Von Lewinskivs. Benson Whyte Jr
• Result: Submission (Kimura)
• Round 1, 04:44
• Review:Erich Von Lewinski locked in a Kimura, leaving Benson Whyte Jr. waving the white flag.
Awards:
• Fight of the Night: Tapani Kangas vs. Rocco Damato (Really? Were the judges watching the same fight?)
• KO of the Night: Danny Trejo (Because who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned beatdown?)
• Sub of the Night: Ronaldo Gomes (Guillotining Mr. Bean is both impressive and slightly mean.)
Short Interview with Main Event Winner Dusty Rhodeo:
• Interviewer:Dusty, you’re now 2-0 in Beerleague with two first-round finishes. A title shot next?
• Dusty:Well, shucks, I reckon if they keep lining ‘em up, I’ll keep knockin’ ’em down.
• Interviewer:Thoughts about The Organization?
• Dusty:They pay me, I fight. Simple as that.
• Interviewer:New contract?
• Dusty:As long as Dirty Dicks keeps sponsoring, I’m in.
And there you have it, folks! “Just Some Fights
Just announced! @chuckw94 will donate an additional prize from Hellbent and Hell's Balls!
Creation date is tomorrow! I have a feeling some people are going to have some very interesting names, and hopefully some creative avatars. I can't wait to see what people come up with!