We offered him 114 million dollars* in absolutely very real money, none of that animal crackers with the lion heads missing jazz either. We received no response.
I even promised not to laugh at the pre-fight tantrums he throws when he isn't allowed enough time for his male assistant to spray him from top to bottom with glitter sheen. But still, no response.
Then we received this list of demands from his lawyer, who looks a lot like the glitter spray assistant, but with more makeup and a skirt.
The list:
1) Get rid of the those scantily clad card girls. Eew.
2) All title belts must be bedazzled. Screw it - everything gets bedazzled.
3) Make the 265+ division into a Turkish oil wrestling league. Make participation mandatory.
4) Fight announcers can only be Elton John, Little Nas X, or CFC middleweight Jun Liu.
5) Booty shorts.
Some people may think that All Male Dancers' demands are over the top-sassy and unreasonable, but AMD, if you're out there listening...come back home, girl!! I don't think we can survive without you!! We'll even let you wear those nipple rings with the dangling chain and tassels you always campaigned to wear during your pillow fights.
*Venezuelan BolΓvar (VEF)