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Chris Karter is in the hospital

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MrClean Black Belt

MrClean

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Chris Karter is in the hostpital in a coma where he has been for days.

 

January 10, 2012 10:06 am

Fort Myers Florida - Police are asking for the public's help in finding a suspect they said violently beat another man into a coma that has lasted for days.

 

The incident occurred Saturday, January 7 just after midnight at Club Escapades.

 

According to an FMPD spokesperson, eyewitness accounts say Karter was bouncing around at the bar with his posse of mmma fighters Taj al Din, Moses Diggs, Bob Chong, and Don Marciano. They wreaked of weed and were talking very loud and excitedly about some guy Karter had KO'd the other night (see the post fight speech).

 

Witnesses say it was hard to see through the cloud of smoke surrounding the men but after putting all the witnesses stories together it appears the man Karter KO'd the other night was standing right there next to them at the bar and didnt even know who had sucker punched him until that very moment. The bartender reported hearing the talk of this KO coming from the group and seeing the demeanor of the man he had been pouring an IPA for change. He said it just felt cold all of a sudden. The room seemed to go silent around him. He felt scared for no apparent reason as if there was a strange feeling of death in the air. At that very moment one of the men backed up out of the smoke cloud and bumped into the man at the bar spilling his drink onto the floor. The man stared down at the puddle on the floor then looked at his empty cup and then into the eyes of Moses Diggs. Diggs said "you spilled your drink on my shoes and you........" but he never got to finish what he was saying before the man cracked Diggs in the jaw with a wicked elbow that sent teeth flying across the room then grabbed the back of Diggs head with both hands and drove it into his knee which was coming up to meet Diggs nose with brutal force. Diggs fell to a heap in the puddle of beer while the blood from his broken nose and mouth mixed with IPA on the floor.

 

The rest of Karter's group was oblivious to the action outside of their smoke bubble but that didnt last long as the man from the bar disappeard into the smoke with blinding speed. It all happened so fast nobody could tell what happended but it was caught on video and using still frames pieced together by police detectives this story unfolds. Chongs face was immediately slammed into the bar and a piece of wood broke off in the shape of Chongs dreadlocked head as he fell on top of Diggs. At the same time, Marciano took a head kick that put him out on his feet followed by a front kick that snapped his head back and lifted him off the ground. While seemingly suspended in the air he was hit by a solid right hand that sent him over the bar slamming into the mirror behind it which broke and sent shards of glass tumbling onto him while he lay in a heap of broken bottles. At this point someone heard Karter yelling like a little girl "help me help me Taj" but it was no use as Taj al Din was out cold too. The video shows he wasnt even hit but rather just passed out from fear when he made eye contact with the man.

 

Karter was seen being bitch slapped as he cried and moaned "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The man slipped Karter into a standing rear naked choke and put him to sleep while dragging him toward the exit stairs which he promptly threw the passed out Karter down. The man stepped on Karters back on his way out of the bar leaving a dirty size 11 print then turned aroung thoughtfully and turned Karter over. He took a joint out from behind Karter's ear lit it and slow puffed it a couple of times, then he reached into Karter's pants pulled out a fat sack of chronic, spit on him and said "see ya soon!"

 

Police sketch artists have released a picture of the man wanted in the beating and are asking anyone with information to call Crimestoppers at 822-1111

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/73/Mr._Clean_logo.png

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Rambo Red Belt

Rambo

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You've prolly been typing this since Taj al Din beat Mickey O'Niel's ass lol. Was a good read though.

 

 

 

Unfortunately it's too obvious that this report is false and a clear sign of the anal hurting that Sackett was delivered after the one sided beat down of "The Pikey". If I was in a coma the FMPD would prolly have a parade and give you a trophy.

 

 

:winner:

 

 

I'll waste my time writing something productive (but I'll play along to an extent) rather than a mess of nonsense, lies, and shananigans to make one feel better after a 1st round ass beating. :P

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Rambo Red Belt

Rambo

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It was 2:49 PM and Chris Karter was at Convicted Fight Club, in Los Angeles, when he turned on the news and seen a headline flashing across the T.V. screen.

 

 

"Chris Karter is in the hospital"

 

What the fuck? So he switched the channel.

 

"Chris Karter is in a coma"

 

Confused and in perfectly good, stable, stoner condition. Well he did get pretty baked last night so he looked in the mirror. Damn, my handsome looks intact. What the hell is this about? He looked around the gym to see if anybody else was paying attention to the nonsense on the television.

 

 

Chris Karter: "Anybody see this?"

 

 

Seeing how everybody around him was busy training in Los Angeles like they were supposed to be, he decided he would venture next door to the Convicted Redemption gym. Upon entering the elite gym and skipping through the security process, he looked around and everybody seemed pretty busy. He decided he would go towards the work out equipment where there were TV's and Bong Toe was running on a treadmill with Dace Killian was near by.

 

Chris Karter: "Dace man, you see this shit?" turned on the TV and switched it to a station airing the 'news' "When the hell did this happen?"

 

Dace Killian: "Yeah I turned it off earlier. Bong Toe's got a title to defend tonight, so haven't really paid much attention to it. It's been on all day."

 

Chris Karter: "Nobody thought it was important enough to tell me about? I mean I figure me being in a coma is pretty serious business. Something I ought to know about."

 

Dace Killian: "Got better things to worry about today than your publicity stunts."

 

Chris Karter: "Yeah man I understand but I don't know anything about this one."

 

Dace Killian "Really? Just figured it was one of those things, kinda like the time you faked getting arrested with JBomb, or that time with Lance."

 

Chris Karter: "Had nothin' to do with it."

 

 

He noticed Dace didn't really care or seem concerned, so he made his way back to Convicted Fight Club. Trying to cross the street he was intercepted by media and a reporters.

 

Reporter 1: "Chris Karter! I thought you were in the hospital? Can you tell us what happend that night?"

 

Chris Karter: "You tell me."

 

Reporter 2: "How did you make such a speedy recovery?"

 

Chris Karter: "Must of been Convicted Trap House supplements."

 

Reporter 3: "Was it retaliation for the post fight aftermath after Taj al Din's one sided ass whooping he laid to Micky O'Niel?"

 

Chris Karter: "No.. wait.. what?"

 

Reporter 3: "The police sketch showed somebody that looked like Barnabas Sackett AKA Mr Clean."

 

Chris Karter: "So the police sketch looks like a gay retired backstreet boy?" reporter shows him the picture... "Yeah I bet... What exactly did this police report say?"

 

The reporter approached Karter pulled out one of those fancy new iPhone's and showed him the video clip, pointed out some things, replayed it a couple times, etc...

 

Chris Karter: "Ahh. It all makes sense now. People believe that?"

 

Reporter 2: "It's been all over the news."

 

Chris Karter: "You fuckers are more gullible than I thought."

 

Reporter 1: "So are the rumors circulating the internet true?"

 

Chris Karter: "Do I look like I'm in a coma to you?"

 

Reporter 2: "So you didn't have an altercation at the strip club with Barnabas Sackett?"

 

Chris Karter: "I don't go out in Fort Myers. It's lame down there. Nothing to do. I wouldn't be caught dead at Escapades. Not to mention I know most of the girls that work there. Sadie, Brandy, Holly, Heather, Summer, April, it's like the four seasons of Hookers in that place."

 

Reporter 1: "So all of your fighters.. none of them were involved in a physical altercation with Barnabas?"

 

Chris Karter: "Barnabas Sackett? You serious? That guys 'heavy hands' are as heavy as Charlie Zelenoff's. I could almost understand thinking I might of got mugged or something but you're talking about the same 1-1 scrub that lost to Wilfrid Laurier. You really think he could do anything to any of those fighters that story mentions? Shame on you. Shame on you all."

 

his phone rang, he checked it, then clicked silent

 

"Moses Diggs,

Don Marciano,

Taj al Din,

Bob Chong,

that's equivilant to the A-Team or The Expendables. You have to be an idiot to think Mr Clean did any of that. He looks like an old nazi YMCA member, or a really gay and creepy version of Magneto from X-Men."

 

The reporters bickered amongst eachother for a moment. Then he continued.

 

Chris Karter: "Barnabas Sackett has successfully spread bullshit via the internet. An 8 year old retarded boy would find holes in that story. I think it's safe to say he's the biggest disgrace since youtube sensation Charlie Zelenoff."

 

Reporter 2: "So are you telling me there's no award for calling crime stoppers?"

 

Chris Karter: "If somebody did that to me in Fort Myers they would shut down Martin Luther King Blvd and hold a 7 day fiesta. They would give the person who did that a purple heart, a key to the mayors office, and prolly name a sandwhich after them. I highly doubt they would be interested in prosecuting him... if you watch the alleged video you can clearly see a display of bad acting and poor stuntmanship. If you look closely, none of these people even look like us. See look closer, when that black dude gets slammed on the bar top, his wig falls off."

 

Reporter 4: "Why do you think he would do such a thing? He was once an honorable, respected manager."

 

Chris Karter: "It all started after the Sackett vs Taj al Din fight. Sackett brought Taj al Din's cryptonite with him. Marijuana. He doesn't want to fight when there's ganja around, he just wants to partake. Sackett caught Taj off guard after a one round of mat humping. Sackett was on top in round 2 and the ref said Taj al Din wasn't defending himself. He wasn't defending himself because he was too busy trying to get a hold of that joint. Sackett is a coniving, manipulitive, disrespectful son of a bitch, and after Sackett's post fight antics, Taj al Din vowed to avenge his loss and destroy anything ascociated with Barnabas."

 

he received a text message from Joe Rogan, claiming he was a thieving bastard. Apparently what he was saying was being aired live on local T.V.

 

Chris Karter: "What he's really mad about and ashamed of, is what happened at Ascension: Encore on PPV. A record setting event by the way. In front of 91,769 fans at the LA Memorial Colossuseum and a record setting 45,454 PPV sales. A million people prolly seen this happen I know one of you reporters have a clip of it, pull it up."

 

Reporter 3 "Right here! "shows the video clip of O'Neil getting his ass beat.

 

 

Taj al Din lands a right hand from hell, dropping O Neil. al Din pounces and finishes the fight with a flurry of punches and elbows.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:34 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Taj al Din!

Post fight, Taj al Din stared into the camera and said '~ Taj al Din reaches into the shorts of Micky & pulls out a bag of weed ~ You cheating S.O.B! ~ Taj kicks him in the face. Barnabas Sackett jumps in the cage to intervene but wait! Chris Karter knocks him out with a beautiful right hook! The crowd goes wild. Sackett is out cold ~'.

 

Chris Karter: "That right there, no not the punch that took this losers head off, like that bag of weed that Taj al Din pulled out of his shorts right there, was Sackett trying to cheat again. Obviously giving the weed in Micky to distract Taj al Din's sixth sense. He's like a K9 unit when it comes to that stuff. He said if they tried to cheat again, he was gonna kick him in the face and he did."

 

Reporter 2: "So why did you do what you did, isn't that highly unprofessional?"

 

Chris Karter: "Going into the cage with weed is highly unprofessional and even MY fighters don't do that. It was karma and justice for the post fight antics of the Taj al Din vs Sackett fight. Out of all the times a Convicted fighter fought a Broken Halo fighter, for the most part it's been nothing but respect."

 

Reporter 1: "But why did you punch him?"

 

Chris Karter: "I would of kicked Sackett's ass after the Taj al Din vs Sackett fight too if security didn't intervene. This time around Taj al Din was serving up an ass whooping to a cheating bastard and he jumped in, so I jumped in quicker and gave him the business. Taught him a lesson in the sweet science of dirty style boxing. What a weak chin, kind of like Mickey O' Neil. Both went down so easily. The better man won and when Taj al Din fights Yance Sackett again he's gonna beat the smartass out of him."

 

Reporter 3: "When will this feud be over?"

 

Chris Karter: "When one of us grows up. Thank you! Any publicity is good publicity, shop at Convicted Trap House and Conviction."

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MrClean Black Belt

MrClean

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Barnabas Sackett puts his foot through his monitor and considers what he just read. This Karter character is a slippery customer. I beat him and his boys down in front of witnesses and it's all caught on video but somehow he has spun the story so that I almost believe it didnt happen. Barnabas looks at the cuts on his hands and thinks how did I get these? How the hell does Karter do it? Was that really a sack of weed i was grabbing? Where is that sack anyway? Sackett begins to pick up the pieces of his broken monitor when he sees a rotted yellow tooth sticking out of the elbow of his jacket. He pulls it out and see its crowned with gold and stamped with something. Closer inspection revealed a pot leaf stamped onto the tooth with the initials MD in it. Hmmmmm, must be some medicinal dispenser or something. Did I rob a dispensary? Maybe a cancer patient? No way? MD, MD ,MD..Moses motherfuckin Diggs!!!!!! Thats right, I did make him bleed his own blood!!!

A quick call to the Lee County probation office and some sweet talking had them check the GPS tracking of Karters ankle bracelet monitor. Karter had in fact returned to the Fort Myers area on Saturday night as required and the FMPD was looking for me as a person of interest. That slippery son of a bitch

Barnabas makes a quick call to the boys fire up the jet boys we got places to be

Barnabas arrives in Fort Myers and heads straight to the strip club to begin some detective work (where did you expect that to begin?) He is greeted at the door with a heros welcome (which happens all the time so doesnt seem out of place). He heads straight to the back room and Sadie, Brandy, Holly, Heather, and Summer come running in excitedly pulling off their clothes and cackling about how amazing he was the other night. After a few "dances" Summer mentions her friend at the hospital was Karters nurse the other night. Easiest way to get information from strippers is to pay them so Barnabas just lets her continue working on him while she talks.

Turns out, Karter was in pretty bad shape when they brought him in, convulsing and in and out of consciousness but mostly it was just surficial cuts and bruises. Karter came out of the coma within a few hours of being at the hospital but was very groggy. The nurse thought his convulsions were more from fear, judging by the rambling he was doing about some guy he seemed deathly afraid of. After an hour or so of this behavior Karter came around enough to talk to the nurse and he begged her not to tell anyone he had come to yet. He spent the night at the hospital under close guard of 3 dreadlocked men with automatic weapons and red eyes in a private wing and left before the son came up. At first the nurse wasnt sure they were gone because she couldnt see anything on that side of the hospital through all the smoke and the night shift had cut out early to go to Dennys.

Barnabas pulled his pants up, thanked Summer and the rest of the "ladies" and headed for the door because it was time to meet with the city, turns out they were having a parade in his honor. They also gave him a trophy and a key to the city.

The Parade got a little wild as usual but here is a pic http://www.flickr.com/photos/61356802@N00/2627361168/

On his way to the Parade Barnabas got a call from president Bush who had nomintated him for head of homeland security. http://www.internetweekly.org/2004/12/cartoon_bush_mr_clean.html

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