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Whalecum to the Bigg Brone Breagdune


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Abu Schaubi

Greedings and Sadulaevones. Is yo boi Abu Schaubi. Wilco to the off shell BRIG BROOM BREAKDANCE youtoob channel. Part of the THIGGBOI umpire.

My brakelawns are very much a ONE MAN UPPER RATION. No photogrissers, no video rapers, no nuthin. Isall the pure, unfelted truf.

I'll be posting my cawltent here, but HAYDERS and SOI BOIIS are nut Walken.

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Abu Schaubi releases statement after being unceremoneously dusted in his debut fight

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Abu Schaubi

Schaubi throws a predictable looking body shot
and Nainggolan counters with a massive hook, right on the button! He's out cold! Damn, that was naaaaaasty! Hopefully he'll be OK.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 0:22 of round 1, we have a winner by way of KO (Punch). Radja Nainggolan!

Ion no waddatellya, b. I had Roger Nandos rite where I wando. Talmbout playing Poshspice, b. Den, the SOY BOI referee stawlped the fite. Fer sher lose my nuwlmber.

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Abu Schaubi

Wassup my thiggas 'n thiggettes. Isda oridnel THIGGG boi Abu Schaubi hair. Dissweegshun ovda Big Broom Bragedowns wuz cancold. Why? Becowls idds FITE WIG baby!

Peroxidicially, unligg my metrolic raise to the tobbocawlmedy my fite carrier goddovta dicey start, buppa. I'll readly admid tha Rawlgler Nightowls rogged me like a hurry gane. But lissen, I wasn't owld. Hey, hey, hey, LISSEN, hey, hey. I was still fitin bagg. Tawlmbout early stobbage, bapa.

After the ealy cabbage I seen sum piggures circumsizing where it loggs like I'm knowlged AWL the whey owlt. Idlige to awl dross dis BOWL SHIDD ride hair on the THIGGG BOI NERD WALG.

1. Issa bad angle.

2. Issa bad angle becawls the PHOTOGRISSER taging the picture CLEARLY doesn't fugg chiggs. Hey, photogrisser, real quigg: m'iPhone mages you AWL SO LITE.

3. All my HADERS want to spreathenerridiv that I'm paunchy.

To quode the REAL present-erect of these Unlit Stages: Fag noons, bubba.

Abu Schaubi OWLT

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Abu Schaubi

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Pena has a momentary lapse of concentration, allowing Schaubi to throw up a leg and lock on what appears to be a pretty tight triangle! Pena is fighting it off but it's all too little too late - Schaubi pulls down on the head and he's put Pena to sleep! This one is all over!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 0:53 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (Triangle). Abu Schaubi!

I towld jowl thaddeus peggted to walgg AWL over Jossy Penis. Bring awln Krilloil Aruba, I thingg I'm a bald maggsoup for him.

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  • 4 months later...

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Abu Schaubi

Wassupp thiggies, daddy's bagg.

I apolize for the radio silence over the lass cowlomonths, but yo boy's been busy. After m-m-m-m-murdering in MMA, releasing my award-winning cawlmedy speshul and being a straight-up ASSASSIN in TWGC, I've been awarded with the highest howlnor in combat sports: A blagg bell in jew-jitzho. Talmbout that Schaub Shutdown, bapa.

Eeeny maize, I'm riding this momtum all the way to the tobb'o the grabbling world before making my long awaited return to MMA. All abword the Schaub Trane.

 

Catch me at the Guffaw Grotto in Toledo next Saturday. It's all sowld out, but I'll be releasing some SPECIAL TIGGETS soon.

Big Broom OUT.

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Abu Schaubi

Very eggcited to watch my boy Billy Bob Thornton fight Abdullah Moomin in Combate today. Brillo Bop is a b-b-b-beast of a fighter and my main sparring partner. We have a lot of very tight, compwive rounds in the gym down in Rio de Janice. The greatest guy, with a panther tail for a hogoso. I think he'll GADOOSH Abel Mounir with an overcut. Talmbout hitting him with that sneaker, b. Like when you're riding high on Tiger Diggg and accidentally shart yourself in an elevator. Eh, you'll finger it owl.

Also, stay tuned for my GRABBLING EXVAGANZA against some German guy. Hey, hey, HEY, HEY STEPHAN, hey. Reel quigg: Y'nazi?

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Abu Schaubi

So, I'm not sher if I'm just riding high on TIGER THIGGG WHIGSY or what, but I think I'm seeing double. Last week I hit Voldemort Kanister with the Schaub Shutdown (tm), but now he's back for another round. Hey, hey, hey, HEY, Deviated Septum, boog me someone who isn't a NAZI from Ukraine. Maybe you can get me a grabbling match with a dimey dime Messican like Wandering Rubricks instead. I think I'd fugg him up. You'd be surprised.

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