Umbrella Corp. - Official Thread

[Guest]

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Takeshi Naoki recently released the following statement:

 

I'm back bitches. I took a small break and now I'm back to dominate.

 

For my first match I was told I would be facing the champ next, but honestly who the fuck cares? I’m better than all these guys, last time I was here I beat the champion easily and now I’m back and it seems like the level of talent has gone down, it’s just shit.

 

First of all we got Max “Mediocre as fuck” Eisenhardt who called me out a shitload of times when I was here last time, now he’s going to some org to fight some other bum in what he calls a “superfight”. Give me a break, all that fight is going to be is superboring, he will probably win that match and come back to get the ass whooping of the century.

 

I don’t expect much from Georges or Izturis either, yeah sure they will probably try to hump my leg once or twice but eventually it’s going to end with me head kicking their undeserving face.

 

The next time you hear from me, will be when I'm the new Middleweight champion.

 

 

 

Let's take a moment to read Takeshit's words about Max Eisenhardt once again. I would write something about Naoki but he is not worth to receive any comment from me.

 

"Eisenhardt lands an uppercut in the clinch that drops Naoki to his knees! Eisenhardt keeps firing more shots against his stricken opponent and the referee jumps in to save him!"

 

Fall on your knees before the king!

Im looking forward to max dominating and winning the belt.

#TeamCBK!

 

 

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Igor Byhenikov's

Post-Fight Media Scrum

Reporter: Many analysts predicted that if Takeshi Naoki can weather the early storm of Max Eisenhardt, he should be able to dominate the victory due to his superior wrestling & grappling. But surprisingly it was Eisenhardt who came back strong in the second after losing the first round and dominated the fight until the finish.

Igor: Man, those brutal body kicks took out the movement of Naoki. Everyone know the feeling when you watch someone who takes unhuman punishment and you start to feel the pain yourself. I was like that when i was watching the fight. I think it was very unclassy for our staff to interview Naoki after the fight. He was clearly out on his feet and he congratulated Vasily Zaytsev for winning the title...

(...)

 

 

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@MaxEisenhardt

"I always know that Takeshit is mentally challenged. Why is he allowed to fight in the org with normal fighters? I thought that he left from MMA to competite in Paralympics, where he really belongs. I KO'ed the guy so hard that he had a fucking throwback and thanked Vasily after the fight... He should be tested or something... Shall I call a vet to do Naoki's chekup?"

 

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Emilio Izturis

 

I'm extremely honored to be entering the hall of fame of such a prestigious fight organization. My wars with Vasily Zaytsev, Max Eisenhardt, and Guy Georges were the proudest of my career. Unfortunately, the cumulative effect of those wars has taken its toll. While I may only be 24 years old, I feel that it is best for the long term health of myself and my family to leave this sport. My fight with Dan MuttaFukka in two weeks will be my last.

 

I'd like to thank Igor Byhenikov for giving me a shot to make a name for myself. I'll definitely be recommending Umbrella Corp as a great place to fight to all of my teammates at the AJ Nex fight camp.

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@MaxEisenhardt

"It's really sad to see you go! It was a true honour to fight against such fighter like Emilio Izturis, without who the whole division won't be the same. We all respect your decision and wish you best! I hope that in one day we will be able to meet in the cage for the last time! #TeamIzturis"

[Widing]

Congrats to Eisenhardt for the win, it'a shame you couldn't display some sportsmanship after the fight. But the win was impressive and hopefully we meet in a rematch down the road.

 

Dmitry Volkov has signed back with Umbrella's welterweight division and is looking forward to facing Dr John Zoidberg.

[bazzypants]

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Dr John Zoidberg

 

Thanks for stepping up to the plate and accepting the fight against me Mr Volkov. I did want to fight Dennis Page but it wasn't to be and I'm sure you'll be a big challenge. I see we both have Dolly Parton records (9-5), my god she has a huge rack. But I digress. I know our managers have some business dealings but come fight night my plan is to welcome you back to Umbrella in a most hostile way. I must run now as I have a mercy killing to perform or as some doctors like to call it, a prostate exam. Shalom Aleichem.

 

[Guest]

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@DahlHaas

"Hey Vladdy Daddy. Will you sign me for a one fight? I'd like to fight against Dmitry Volkov.

[igorbyhenikov]

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Igor Byhenikov (President)

Umbrella Corporation respects Dahl Haas for the challenge, and that would be great fight, but as a business company, we are looking fighters who are willing to commit with us with longer terms. We don't want to possibly "kill" future contender with 1 fight deals without benefits (big hyped super fights for example.)

[Guest]

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@DahlHaas

"Understood. My plan was to get one fight deal, return to the gym for next 2 months and then resign with Umbrella. If the only criteria to receive the fight is to sign longer contract, then I am in. But under one circumstance, Mr. Vlad. After the fight I would be allowed to take 1-2 months break after which I could competit in the org and receive the title shot!"

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@BragiRagnarson

"Whereas our previous cooperation, we would be thankful for giving mate of Max Eisenhardt, current MW champ, this possibility . Of course we understand that one fight deal might ruin Vlad's plans, so we are willing to negotiate."

[igorbyhenikov]

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Igor Byhenikov (President)

Umbrella Corporation would be more than happy to sign Dahl Haas with longer term contract, and we are also ready to respect his long term plans to develop as a fighter. The "but" comes here: We also try to not to put fighter (in this situation Dmitry Volkov) in to a unfair situation, therefore, we have to make this (negotiable) proposition: Dahl Haas agrees to fight against Erik Gustafsson on June 25th (same card that has Volkov vs Zoidberg) and depending on the results, we will schedule Haas vs Volkov next. After these fights, Dahl Haas could have longer (1-2 months) training camp before next fight.

[Guest]

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@DahlHaas

"Deal"

[Guest]

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@DahlHaas

"Big thanks to Mr. Vlad for sending me a 4 fights contract. At the moment I'm waiting for my opponent to accept the fight offer. First Erik, then Dmitry and after that I would be able to take a break! To be honest I am very pumped because of signing the contract with Umbrella Corporation, one of the best org for all young guns."

[Holy]

 

Umbrella is getting ready to be overrun with CBK talent. With the signing of dahl haas, david lang and the new champ max this org is about to get a lot more exciting. Y

 

With CBK declaring war on the corporation there will be a lot of brutal beatings. We will keep tally of the KOs and broken limbs for the whole world to see. If anyone would like to challenge any of us please contact the CBK War office. You will be greeted with an immediate fuck you. The corporation will be in ruins by the time were done. Well chase you everywhere. Well brutalize you in your hometowns. Even your kids arnt safe.

 

We also have a statement from david lang:

"So the FW fight of the century has been booked. Me and JD got a date to dance and I will bring another belt back home to CBK. I honestly feel bad for JD. He had such a promising career ahead of him. But then it all came crashing down. Now hes looking at a 3 fight skid and probably will be fired by his manager like george kelly. When the proposition of this fight was first discussed we had to have a team of geologists, engineers and bragi look to see if that much awesome could fit in an arena. Now its looking more like an exhibition match for me.

 

Id also like to take this time to call out asslak ass again.... the president of umbrella is protecting aaslak, now im not here to announce accusations of homosexuality between aaslak and igor but something fishy is going on. Its not like hes a challenge but Im trying to build a legacy. So aaaslak I fight JD in less than a month. I expect your ass to be ready afterwards. Win or lose Im coming for you next."

 

This message is approved by Active Serial Killer

[Widing]

^ I dunno why you've decided to start a "war" against our alliance out of every possible alliance, since we've barely dealt with you guys ever.

 

But we're currently having a "war" against an alliance we've competed against for 9 months, so we'll see about it after that.

 

David Lang vs Rockefeller should be one hell of a fight though, will be interested to see how Rockefeller does in his return to the 145 lbs division.

[Steel]

Is the CBK war office, active cereal bars bedroom that he shares with his kid brother.?

 

that's some scary shit coming sami's way,!

[Guest]

Peel Still wake us up when your "war" will come to an end. Since I am not a fan of paralympics I am not going to keep an eye on it.

[Steel]

Nice reply, seems I will need to get a lobotomy if I'm to be able enjoy smack interaction with the CBK.

 

Where did you get yours, you must have gone private because it's very good.

[Guest]

I proportioned level of my smack talk to yours, you ain't funnier. Is Widing +1's every your post?

[coton81]

Is the CBK war office, active cereal bars bedroom that he shares with his kid brother.?

 

that's some scary shit coming sami's way,!

f*** how did u find that out it was meant to b a god dam secret

[coton81]

Nice reply, seems I will need to get a lobotomy if I'm to be able enjoy smack interaction with the CBK.

 

Where did you get yours, you must have gone private because it's very good.

i did it in the cupboard under the stairs i have appointment coming up looks like u will need it

[igorbyhenikov]

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[Guest]

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@MaxEisenhardt

"Waiting for a winner. I'm curious who's going to have pleasure to fight against me. It's 80-20 to @LoneWolf"

[igorbyhenikov]

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145 lbs title contender Yuya Shimizu got fired by his manager. Umbrella Corporation hopes that he will find new management soon.

[igorbyhenikov]

Sorry for no scrums. I am suffering from serious neck/head pain so don't feel like playing right now. For these situations partner would be nice lol.

[Guest]

Umbrella Corp's scrums by Bragi Ragnarson

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Bragi: We all gathered here, in Tokyo, to talk a little about last event Umbrella 73 - Red Alert, it's results and a few other things. Since I used to be a vice president in this brothel, as we say in Poland, I decided to do this, cause Vladdy is not able to hold the event by himself. So, let's start with the maaaaain event! Iso Kaato beaten the shit out of Karl Kutowski. I have three words to describe the whole fight - kicking, punching and clinching. Kaato was better and because of that his hand has been raised in the air.

Now it's time to say a few words about co main event. Takeru Masaru who's manager - Gurra Grant has a few fighters in the org and is loyal manager, received beatings from Vesa Sykk. It's 1-1 in their fights, they met before in Umbrella 68 and Takeru subed his opponent, too bad that he was unable to do that in last event. The ref saved his ass, when Sykk mounted him and finished executions with strikes.

Reporter: Excuse me! Did you gathered us here tonight to speak about the event? When we'll have an oppurtunity to ask some questions?

Bragi: Don't ya worry, now Bragi's talkin', ya'll have time to ask your questions.

So, Matti was saved by the ref, because Eriksson was punching his head so hard, that the only thing that kept him standing was his heart of a warrior.

So, gentlemens now it's your time to ask a couple of questions.

Reporter: Former middleweight champion, Umbrella Corp. hall of famer - Emilio Izturis decided to reitre. What does it means to the org?

Bragi: First of all, Izutris is a great fighter. True warrior. 24 years old man, who has entered to a cage for 20 times! 6 years of career, but that was wonderful 6 years! Except the end. Former champ, who had two great battles with my fighter - Max Eisenhardt.

Reporter: Max Eisenhardt? Is he here?

Bragi: Maxie is too busy with his training camp gentlemens. Two weeks left till his first title defence. Next question, please!

Reporter: Can you say something about contenders to the titles?

Bragi: I am afraid that I am not able to say anything, since I am not working with the org. So, gentlemens if you do not have any other question, I think that we should consider to end our little chit chat.

[igorbyhenikov]

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Igor Byhenikov's

Post-Fight Media Scrum

Clearly busy Igor sits down with media to discuss about the event.

Igor: I would like to say sorry for my media silence lately. I am huge football (the real football) supporter, and i don't want to miss any match in the World Cup. So who got the first question?

Reporter: Finally Israel Kamakawiwo Ole got his title shot, and after very close war he got his arm raised. Who did you score the fight?

Igor: It was close. First two i scored to Israel, and last two i scored for George Kelly. I have to watch the fight again. I think Israel took the third round too. This is little bit dilemma, Kelly took more and more control during the fight and it was him dominating the championship rounds. It was close fight, but i think Israel did enough to get the nod. Round by round judging is like this, i think Kelly won his rounds more clearly than Israel won his, but after watching the fight one time, i think 3-2 to Israel.

Reporter: What's next for Israel and Kelly?

Igor: Most likely Kelly is going to fight Vesa Sykk next, and with Israel we don't know yet. Let's see.

Reporter: After failing to dethrone the 135 lbs champ Aslak Aas, will Tsutomu Miyazaki continue at 135 lbs division, since it's really hard to see him earning title shot any time soon?

Igor: I bet Tsutomu doesn't care where he fights or what the weight class is, haha. I am not sure if he even knew that he was fighting for the title. We will think about Tsutomu's future later.

Reporter: Both Juan Morales and Kristus Koistinen won their 170 lbs bouts, and they are ranked close each other. Morales-Koistinen next?

Igor: This is probably the easiest fight to make. Yes they will meet next.

Reporter: Mc Wisk called Gunter Prince Hercules out backstage. He wants the fight to happen ASAP. What do you think about the match?

Igor: I think Gunter will fight against Karl Kutowski next. Mc Wisk vs Plo Kloon makes more sense to me. I will have a meeting with Wisk's manager and we will discuss about what's next.

Reporter: After you didn't show up after last event, Bragi Ragnarson sat down with media and discussed about fights, how you describe his relationship with Umbrella?

Igor: Bragi worked for us for short period, and he still is close to the staff. I'm happy that he decided to entertain the media.

Reporter: Does this mean that Umbrella is possibly planning to make contract offer to Bragi?

Igor: Haha, no. Bragi is too unstable. It would be like hiring Rampage Jackson to run the office. Actually, I want to announce that we hired new Vice President, Michael Brakeley. I think he is just the man that we were looking for; Young, hungry and still new to things. I think he will be very useful member in the company.

Igor: Ok, i will be going now. See you later.

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The best clothing store in the business.

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[potter09]

Dennis Page wants OLE next.

[markyosullivan]

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Oscar "The Natural Born Killer" dos Santos

24 years old

205lbs

3-2

"My first fight didn't go so well and I was upset that I couldn't get a win in my first fight in Umbrella Corporation. Looking forward to this next fight, I hope I'll be able to show why I was so highly rated when I signed for the org."