World Cup of MMAT

[Alfred]

      Round One Results

Group A

 Georgia vs. Sweden 

A superb start for Sweden against the favoured Georgian team and with only one tiny black mark against them to spoil the occasion. 

Swedish submission wrestler Patrik Blix did well to nullify the Brown Belt level skills of hug happy Georgia grappler Mikheil Berishvili and edge out a unanimous decision victory. Not that many of the fans were applauding this snoozefest with many of them choosing to go get an extra beer or two midway through. A win is win however and Sweden were up 1-0. 

Next up was the man many Georgian’s were relying on to pick up the big results, Buck Bolkvadze. He was to face Swedish underdog Ludvig Eriksson who had unfortunately not been able to get his weight down to the mandatory 170lbs stipulated by the WCMMA commission and so no matter the result was going down as a maximum point loss for him. In spite of that, Eriksson blitzed poor Bolkvadze and before anyone knew what was happening , the Georgian was tapping out to a rear naked choke. I’d imagine this to be the worst maximum point victory of his WCMMA career and the best “loss” of Ludvigs. Bittersweet for sure but a great fight and enough to earn Submission of the Night honours. 

Going into the Super-Heavyweight match up we was unfortunately met with yet another “clerical error” that would cause a forfeit straight off the bat. In his excitement to participate in this illustrious tournament, Robbie Banks for Team “Georgia” had neglected to follow strict representation rules and had marked his home country as USA and without any supplementary evidence for the commission to consider either. Luckily for the integrity of the tournament Sweden’s Wolfric Dozer wasn’t particularly bothered with any of that and quickly took Banks to the mat and had him tapping out within a couple of minutes. 

With the match up completed, Sweden had technically performed a clean sweep of the Georgian team though officially the match would go down as two fights to one (and with a score of 7-5 to Sweden) This put Sweden straight into a second place qualifying spot in Group A and well above their last place predicted finish. Georgia slot into third place behind them and will have to make some dramatic improvements if they to have any hope of qualifying. Both teams will also need to address their clerical errors. 

Sweden def. Georgia by 2 fights to 1 (7-5 Points)

 Australia vs. Djibouti 

This opening Group A match up was predicted to be between the two best teams in the group. After witnesses the fights however, it’s possible that was a giant overestimation. Team Australia faced off against Team Djibouti. 

First up was the 135lbers with Djibouti’s Mohamed Ahmed taking on Australia’s Mick Taylor who was coming down to the cage munching on grubs. From the start of the fight it was clear Taylor wasn’t all there as he seemed to be under the illusion that Ahmed was a crocodile. For round after round Taylor would pounce on Ahmed who would thrash around on the ground trying to get him off to no avail. After fifteen minutes of this the judges would decide that Taylor was the unanimous victor though in truth no one really “won”, including the fans. 1-0 to Australia

On to the welterweights where double hard looking Aussie “Chronic” Drew Peacock would be taking on Cuba Gooding “III”. Gooding was seen as Djibouti’s main man so it would have no doubt been disappointing to see him rag dolled inside the clinch by the “Chronic” for fifteen minutes straight. Of course the crowed loved such brutality and the fight earned both warriors Fight of the Night honours but in truth, it was a one sided beat down which ended Djibouti’s chances of winning the match up. 

There would be no consolation victory for Djibouti either as Australia’s Ryan Wallaby walloped the very strangely named Veteran of the Psychic Wars within two rounds to earn Knockout of the Night. VOTPW clearly wanted nothing to with Wallaby in the stand up but without the grappling skills to match his game plan, he was a sitting duck for the few bombs that did land. 

Utter domination for Australia who looked every bit as good as was expected at the start of the tournament. Djibouti on the other hand look nothing like qualifying material off the back of this one and will need a much better performance in their next match up if they are to turn things around. 

Australia def. Djibouti by 3 fights to 0 (10-0 in Points)

[Daudy]

Buck was too busy trying to learn geography to come up with a gameplan for his fight. He'll be sure to try harder in his next exam!

[Alfred]

      Round One Results

Group B

 Wales vs. Canada 

The bastard Welsh got exactly what they deserved here in this one although it was sickening to see lazy no testing Bradley Burns pull a Granite Chin/KO Power out of his ass. 

The massacre began at bantamweight with Canadian BJJ Brown belt Michele Rene Gaspard executing his game plan flawlessly. He didn’t even give opponent Callum Walsh a chance to show off that KO power of his before clinching up, pulling guard and getting the submission in under sixty seconds. A great performance from him and one that earned him Submission of the Night.

Next up at welterweight is where we got to see Bradley Burns’ undeserved gift of a fighter Brody MacDonald take on Welshman Robbie Mullen. Both fighters looked pretty equal at first but the power of MacDonald was obvious to see and was clearly the difference in the end. Unable to take the punishment being dish out, Mullen was TKO’d around the half way mark of the first round. With Canada now two fights up the victory was out of Wales hands. 

A big heart wasn’t enough for a consolation and so Welshman Jeremy Corbyn had to take his beating like a man. Jean Francois LaFleur made it look simple as he battered poor Corbyn into submission in under two minutes and completed the clean sweep of a likely very disappointed Welsh team. 

With such a dominant performance, Team Canada go straight to the top of Group B and currently look assured to find a spot in the next round. Wales on the other hand are going to need a miracle. 

Canada def. Wales by three fights to none (15-0 in Points)

 

 Scotland vs. England 

More disgusting than Burn’s granite chin fluke, the total and utter bastard Scots somehow figured out a way to sabotage the might of England and pick up a totally underserved and shock upset win. 

Everything looked fine and dandy as cool as a cucumber Alfred Winterbottom sent his young charge Luke Smith into battle. He was to face “Sir” Randy Elliot who must have given himself that name as everyone knows not a Scotsman alive is afforded such a polite and gentlemanly title such as Sir. Smith went to work straight away and within a few well placed big boy shots he and Alfred were walking back to the changing room celebrating a job well done. 

Next up is where things started to go wrong. Having convinced us of his English authenticity by explaining the difference between a shepherds pie and a cottage pie, Canuck manager Jimmy Normal, who was welcomed into the gracious Team England fold with open arms now faced the rumour of potential collusion and deceit between himself and the dirty poutine gobbling Team Canada. What other possible explanation could there be for his English warrior Charles Traynor losing to Scotsman Alex Grey? Hmm, it actually looked pretty close on paper but the judges gave it to Grey so maybe Jimmy is innocent and the Canucks simply bribed the judges? Maybe it wasn’t even them? Maybe it was the Scots doing the bribing? It’s certainly not beneath them. 

With the series tied now at 1-1, there was no need for England to panic as super dependable tournament specialist Monkey was up next at super-heavyweight with his fighter Vyvyan Bastard. Oh what’s that? Monkey thought he’d be a clever bollocks and not test? Time to panic! Facing that wily Panda loving Pika Choo and his fighter Panda McLeod, things weren’t looking good as McLeod was all over the place and winning the exchanges at every range. Panic turned to shock as McLeod had Bastard tapping out to triangle choke in just under three and a half minutes. The Scots had done it. A massive black eye to the might of England and it’s empire. 

Bastards. All of them. Jimmy and Monkey included. Scotland go into second place in Group B with a begrudgingly capable looking team. Mark my words heads will be rolling back at England HQ with a thorough investigation into the performance of certain members forthcoming. 

Scotland (puke) def. (puke) England two fights to one (7-5 in Points)

[Alfred]

      Round One Results

Group C

 Mexico vs. Belgium 

Arriba! Arriba! Mexico, another team too sauced from the spicy worm at the bottom of the bottle to live up to expectations. They were beaten soundly by the waffle men from Belgium who were initially predicted a third place finish in the group. 

The trouncing didn’t begin at welterweight however as manager Cynic Chris took his first desperate steps out of the shadow of Karter with his very Mexican fighter Ominous Odinson. He faced John Daugherty’s Lucas Van Den Broeck who did he best impression of Forest Griffin to Odinsons Anderson Silva. Ominous Odinson wins by TKO at 1:44 of the first round and earns himself the KO of the night. 

Mexico were at this point looking every bit the group killers as predicted but then Scottie 2 Hottie came along with his crazy Mexican Loco Coco. He found himself Gordon Ryan’d by Belgian Ryan Gordon for almost two whole rounds before finally tapping out to the might of the tournaments unofficial favourite fighter. Belgium tied things up 1-1 meaning the final super-heavyweight match up would decide. 

This would be of great concern for the Mexican contingent for a couple of reasons. The first being that fighter Judas Gonzalez was a last minute afterthought recruited only to fill the cowardly boots of absentee Chris Karter and second, he was managed by the inexperienced Albert Summertop who is cousin to the great Alfred Winterbottom and whilst totally a real and different person altogether, is not a touch on his tactically superior cousin. He gave it his best try against the uber Belgian Kurt Waffles but in the end was beaten all over the place by the superior clinch fighter and dispatched within one round. Waffles got the TKO victory at 3:41 and finalised a great victory for his team. 

In truth, this was always going to be fairly competitive match up though I do consider Belgium winning a slight upset. Belgium go second in the group and Mexico just behind them in third. 

Belgium def. Mexico by two fights to one (9-5 in Points)

 

 Poland vs. China 

What in the blue blazes happened here? A truly baffling result from a bunch of poorly designed, poorly programmed Autobots from China who managed to pull off the upset against the bookies favoured Polish Team. 

Something was amiss from the start as Autobot One managed a shock first round submission over Poland’s KO Kapustka. Clearly programmed for the stinkiest of cheese, Autobot One was on a mission to clinch, pull guard and get the sub win and that’s exactly what he did. No one could ever imagine such a result from a Chinese import. 

Poland managed to pull back level after their man Serwacy Smolarek managed to figure out the Autobot Three’s programming and get the TKO victory just before the end of round one. No mean feat either I might add as apparently the manufacturers had made Bot Three’s chin of some sturdier material. 

It would be down Poland’s 300lb Brave Hut to save the day but unfortunately for them, he was too busy watching reruns of Klan in the locker room to support his teammates during their fights. Had he done so then he would surely have been able to avoid the fate of Kapustka and fend of the relentless hug attack from Autobot Two by following the game plan of Smolarek to victory. AutoBot Two needed just under two minutes to secure the submission over Hut and pull of the biggest upset of the opening round. 

Shockingly, China go top of the table after the first round which is not what was needed at all. Made purely to make up tournament to the magic number of sixteen teams, China were very much expected to be trounced at every turn. Team Poland go bottom of the group which again is quite the shock. Predicted to be a potential dark horse of the tournament, they now find themselves with their backs against the wall from get go. 

China def. Poland by two fights to one (10-5 on Points)

[Alfred]

      Round One Results

Group D

 Kazakhstan vs. USA 

The great underdogs of Kazakhstan were no match for the might of Murica and their freedom giving ways and though they gave it their best shot, they were easily dismissed as the long shots that they are. 

Fan favourite Borat Sagdiyev was up first for Kazakhstan and he was taking on the USA Harper Quarry. There was the hope that Borat would be able to use his special wrestling techniques against his opponent but Quarry had other ideas and decided to just simply batter him instead. 

Up next, the pride of Kazakhstan Kazhymukan Manaitpasov, looking to keep his homeland in the match up as he faced Chayton Catawanee for Team USA. Clearly blind or paid off, the judges saw things in favour of Catawanee after fifteen minutes of what can only be described as a wrestling clinic put on by Manaitpasov. Sure, Catawanee landed a few strikes here and there but overall, the wrong man had his hand raised at the end of this. 

It was now down to the man affectionately known as Heavy Kazak Six to salvage some pride for the Kazak team but he was facing the big hearted Remington Knox from New Yoirk, USA. Things went badly pretty quick as Six failed to land any of the big shots he was winging whilst Knox managed to land at least some of his, one of which knocked the Kazak super-heavyweight down briefly. From there, it was all downhill as Knox clinched up with the dazed Six and proceeded to beat the stuffing out of him for the quick first round victory. 

Team USA made it look easy against the Kazak team and with their clean sweep go straight to the top of the Group D table. Kazakhstan occupy the bottom space for now and will need a herculean effort to change their current trajectory. 

USA def. Kazakhstan by three fights to zero (12-0 on Points)

 

 Bhutan vs. Indonesia 

Many of those paying a visit to the bookmakers would have thought Bhutan to be the favourites going into this one but the few who did see the potential in the Indonesian team will no doubt have been very happy with their decision after this one played out. 

Completely untested Bhutan bantamweight Jack Saragih managed to fend off the desperate clinch attempts of opponent Genko Yeshuati and earn himself and his team a second round TKO victory. It was a fairly entertaining fight between two game fighters and enough to earn them both fight of the night honours. 

Bhutan needed this next fight to stay in the match up but it wasn’t to be as Indonesia’s Mario Leonardo made short work of Bhutan’s James Penn. Both fighters were complete unknowns coming into this and in truth, only one will be coming away with any kind of buzz at all. Twenty-six seconds was all Leonardo needed to get the win and seal his team’s opening round victory. 

Though it would be purely a consolation victory, Bhutan’s super-heavyweight entry Drangme Chhu made sure that his team didn’t come away empty handed as he blew Indonesian big boy Syariel Peng out of the water in just eleven seconds. A failed clinch attempt, a shot to the body and then a massive jab was all that was needed for Chhu to get the job done and also earn himself the KO of the night. 

Not a clean sweep for Indonesia but definitely a big result for them against a team that was predicted a second place finish. Indonesia in second place with two rounds to go. A tough loss for Bhutan who will need to do better in their upcoming bouts if they are to move on into the knockout phase. 

Indonesia def. Bhutan by two fights to one (9-5 in Points)

[The1rstSaint]

Team America was seen heading home on their War Wagon after another clean sweep!

                   

[Columbo]

[Curix]

It's always... Great... To... lost!

😘😡😡😡

But the tournament is going on...

Let's...

Go...

Poland!!!

LOLspan widgetspan widget

[Skuzbukit]

6 fights in and 5 losses for Wales, what a great start....not.

I hope Dilloo & I can beat the Scots at least, somehow, but chances are not looking good given just how much the Scottish love a good scrap. We won't be going through to the next round but maybe we can salvage at least some pride.

Jeremy Corbyn was absolutely ecstatic about beating the Engishman Vyvyan Bastard, he wasn't too confident going in knowing it was the mighty Monkey who managed him.

[Alfred]

      Round Two Recap

 

Just a quick recap as we are now going into the final group stage round. Will try to do a proper write up like before but time and motivation are not with me these days I’m afraid.

Group A

An important victory for those Georgian weirdos over the increasingly disappointing Djiboutian team means that they now move up to second place in the group. Their clerical error was finally taken care of so Robbie Banks victory over Veteran Of The Psychic Wars was actually counted as a win.

Unfortunately the same couldn’t be said for the Swedish team and their otherwise impressive fighter Ludvig Eriksson who remains 2lbs overweight. The consequences of this were unfortunately rather catastrophic as what should have been a superb maximum point victory for him over the favoured Drew Peacock now turns into a maximum point loss due to forfeit. Hopefully he can get rid of those last two pounds for the final round as Sweden are still in the running for qualification.

So for the final round of this group stage we have Australia sitting at the top of the table with 2 wins out of 2. They next face second place Georgia who are tied on points with third place Sweden. Djibouti are bottom with no wins.

From what I can tell, the only team that absolutely cannot qualify from the group now is Djibouti. The other three teams are all theoretically in the running. Australia obviously in the best position though if I’m correct they could still end up missing out if they somehow manage to get trounced by Georgia and Sweden rampage over Djibouti. Definitely going to be an interesting end for Group A

Group B

No surprise that the England gave the bastard Welsh a good spanking as always though the victory wasn’t enough to move them above third place.

Somewhat of a shock however was the bastard Scots defeating the favoured Canadian team to go two for two and top the Group B table.

Wales have fought gallantly so far but alas their qualification dreams are now over. The best they can hope for is to get one over Scotland in their final match up. If I’m correct, the final result won’t effect Scotland from moving into the next round and in fact the only match up with any real consequence will be between England and Canada, both of whom would qualify with a win and knock the other out of the tournament for good.

Group C

Mexico looked like a completely different team this time around and completely dominated their Chinese opponents three fights to zero.

Elsewhere there was further domination as the Belgian contingent demolished a lacklustre Polish team.

Interestingly (and quite possibly incorrectly) it is still possible for each of these four teams to make it into the knockout stages.

First place Belgium will face third place China and second place Mexico will meet bottom of the group Poland. I won’t go through all the different scenarios but just to paint a possible picture of how last placed Poland for example could still manage to make it out of this pickle they find themselves in would be Belgium beating China by any amount at all and Poland defeating Mexico 3-0 and all with first round finishes. A long shot sure but stranger things have happened.

Group D

The only group in the tournament that is now completely decided.

With USA’s victory over Bhutan and Indonesia’s victory over Kazakhstan both teams are now guaranteed a spot in the next round with their upcoming clash serving only to decide who goes through in first and second.

Likewise, in the bottom half of the group the upcoming Bhutan v Kazakhstan match up will decide who finishes in last place.

[SteelPenn]

On 6/12/2023 at 1:27 AM, Columbo said:

This is so me. Can I get just one fooking takedown? Pls? Just let my fighter get to the ground, just once. Sorry team. 

 

[762x39]

On 6/12/2023 at 2:47 PM, SteelPenn said:

This is so me. Can I get just one fooking takedown? Pls? Just let my fighter get to the ground, just once. Sorry team. 

 

I got my ass kicked last fight myself. It happens we always have the next round.

[soyster89]

I should be slapped for the stupid build I entered. Tried something different and totally hosed it. 

[Daudy]

6 hours ago, soyster89 said:

I should be slapped for the stupid build I entered. Tried something different and totally hosed it. 

Shhh. Your build was really great, and it must mean whoever beat it must be really good (and handsome).

 

But yeah I took a risk also and built a pure standup guy and then got placed in a group where every single other guy in my weight was a ground guy. RIP

[soyster89]

On 6/22/2023 at 4:02 AM, Daudy said:

Shhh. Your build was really great, and it must mean whoever beat it must be really good (and handsome).

 

But yeah I took a risk also and built a pure standup guy and then got placed in a group where every single other guy in my weight was a ground guy. RIP

I say we start over!

[KingofConsent]

Nah Wallaby was fine to continue! Why did the red stop the fight?

[Alfred]

      Round Three Quick Recap

 

I will definitely get a proper write up done asap but for now just a quick recap of the round three action. 

GROUP A

Georgia did well to defeat Australia and claim first place in the group. 

Luckily for Australia, the loss wasn't enough to completely derail them as fellow qualification chasers Sweden had an abysmal outing against Djibouti that sent them crashing out of the tournament.

A fine result for Djibouti who seemed to wake up right at the last minute but it was too little, too late as it was already known they couldn't advance (I think. Pretty sure they couldn't?)

GROUP B

Scotland continued their epic run of form after running roughshod over group stragglers Wales. Now 3-0 in the tournament, they qualifying with ease into the next round. 

In a showdown that would decide the other qualifying spot, England got the win over Canada 2-1 and manage to slink through into the next round. 

The loss leaves Canada out of the tournament along with Wales. 

GROUP C

A sweet victory for Poland over the Mexican team sadly wasn't enough for them to move on in the tournament divided only by points difference. Mexico manage to hold on to second place just by the skin of their teeth and will now move into the knockout stages. 

Belgium continue to make it look easy, this time with a 3-0 drubbing over the Chinese autobot team. Belgium finish in first with China finishing in last place

GROUP D

Group D qualifiers were already decided after round two. All that remained was to decide in which order everyone finished. 

It was Indonesia that got the overall win over USA by 2 fights to 1 but actually on points it was an even 5-5

At the bottom of the table, Bhutan got the victory over Kazakhstan which saved them from the fate of last place. 

QUARTER-FINAL MATCH UPS

 

[Alfred]

Just a quick thanks to those that created fighters and helped fill out the teams even though it meant likely Ls and tanking their manager ranking. Big thanks also to those managers who had fighters not doing particularly well or who's team was technically eliminated after round two. There's usually some asshat who releases early and it was very cool to see that not happen this time around. 

[KingofConsent]

9 minutes ago, Alfred said:

Just a quick thanks to those that created fighters and helped fill out the teams even though it meant likely Ls and tanking their manager ranking. Big thanks also to those managers who had fighters not doing particularly well or who's team was technically eliminated after round two. There's usually some asshat who releases early and it was very cool to see that not happen this time around. 

Fire the referee and doctor who oversaw the Wallaby Banks fight 

[Daudy]

3 minutes ago, KingofConsent said:

Fire the referee and doctor who oversaw the Wallaby Banks fight 

LOL I just looked at this fight. Talk about clutching defeat from the jaws of victory. Robbie Banks has that Georgian dog in him.

[Daudy]

The Georgian Boys go top of the group!

Time to go home and eat some Khinkali, Mtsvadi, and wash it down with some Sweetwater 420 Extra Pale Ale. YEEEEEEEHAWW!

[KingofConsent]

Official Ryan Wallaby Statement

“I did not lose that fight, that’s bullshit! Tell me, if you are in a bar, pub or street, and you see two guys fighting, both bloodied up, but one guy punches the fuck out of the other, dropping him on his ass three times and nearly separating him from consciousness, having him wobbling around everywhere. Who do you think won that fight? It’s clear.

I told the ref I was fine, I gave him the thumbs up. He hit me 4 times, it wasn’t a barrage, a few got through my defense… I told the doctor I was fine, the cut wasn’t near my eyes, I could see perfectly fine, I was winning.. I had to survive 11 more seconds to see the cut man and get some Vaseline… but the fight got stopped… 11 fucking seconds away from the bell. 

I want to put in a formal complain to the athletic commission overseeing the World Cup, I want the referee and doctor both fired. We can’t have incompetent officials on a grand stage like this.”
 

[soyster89]

3 hours ago, KingofConsent said:

Fire the referee and doctor who oversaw the Wallaby Banks fight 

Damn! Did Banks have broken glass glued to his gloves?

[KingofConsent]

1 hour ago, soyster89 said:

Damn! Did Banks have broken glass glued to his gloves?

I am looking into this personally, I’m led to believe he indeed did have broken glass glued to his gloves which is a clear violation of the rules.

[Helmans212]

12 hours ago, KingofConsent said:

Fire the referee and doctor who oversaw the Wallaby Banks fight 

Shush, we are through thanks to the corruption of the referee and the doctor so don't destroy the moment, you got the nice draw in the next round yourselves.