IRON MAN boxing tournament

[Helmans212]

59 minutes ago, Daudy said:

This is/was such a good idea. Will be watching with eagerness from the sidelines - I just had no slots!

Yeah I had the same problem but i just sacked one of my guys that was a slower learner and wasn't really improving much

[Alfred]

Wladimir Klitschko

[The1rstSaint]

George Foreman (396418)

[Skuzbukit]

"The Gypsy King"

Tyson Fury (396420)

[soyster89]

Lennox Lewis

[Columbo]

Update - Only four players left to complete sign up

 

 10. Joe Louis - Pika Cho - Created, but contract not yet accepted

5. Joe Frazier - Uncle Sam Milby  - Messaged to say he will create tomorrow👍

1. Muhammad Ali - Dakota Thibodeaux - No news

2. Jack Johnson - Action Jackson - Created, but contract not yet accepted

[edselt]

Joe Frazier "Smokin' Joe" (396465)

 

"I fought with all my heart and brought honor to the sport. That's what boxing is all about."

[actionjackson]

John Arthur "Jack" Johnson

[Columbo]

GOAT Heavyweight IRON MAN boxing tournament - Preview

with Larry Holmes

 

 

Good evening boxing fans. It's me, Larry. The Greatest.

I've been asked to write some opinions about the upcoming IRON MAN boxing tournament's first round.

I was ready to refuse, but $100 is $100. This is why I'm a millionaire and all these uneducated tramps are bankrupt.

I should be in this tourney as clear favourite, but of course, they left The Easton Assassin out again. I know why this is, and why it's always been like this, it's because each and every fighter in this list is afraid to fight me. They had their trainers bribe the org and get me excluded. I guess they did the same to lock out the other best fighters, nearly in my class, like Leon Spinks, the second greatest of all time, for example.

So here goes. I have ten fights featuring 20 assorted bums to preview.

 

 

[Columbo]

    Gene Tunney         Wladimir Klitschko

  vs 

Tunney can box a little, and so can Wladimir. These guys look pretty even to me. Tunney is good at throwing real precise punches for sure. I'd give the edge in athleticism and power to Klitschko, but Tunney has never been KO'd, so who knows? Rumour has it that Klitschko's trainer had to be replaced at the last minute, and the guy they appointed doesn't have much of a reputation. Maybe that will be the deciding factor? These guys aren't real champions anyway. I could have fought them both at once. Jab, jab, jab, POW! Jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, BOOM!

 

Larry

[Columbo]

  Evander Holyfield         Jack Dempsey     

 vs 

Holyfield is a good fighter, he knows how to jab and follow it up, but I'm better. I fought him once, but it was fixed. I won that fight. Right at the end, I caught a glimpse of the scorecard and it made me vomit - Literally! Those fixed judges had Holyfield ahead! Those guys are criminals. I waited for hours in the car park afterwards, hoping to kick his ass in a street fight like I did Trevor Birbick, but he didn't show up. I think that says it all.

Jack Dempsey? That kid is too small man. I would have him at arm's length, I'd be saying "come on boy, hit me if you can!" and he'd be all tiny and angry. He'd come at me all mad and swarmy. I'd go Jab, jab, jab, WHACK! Jab, jab, BOOM! Fighting the best boxer-puncher that ever lived is no job for a child. Come and try me when you grow up Dempsey!

They say Dempsey has the best trainer in the business, but I think Holyfield will take this one with some good combinations at just the right time.

 

Larry

[Columbo]

Nikolai Valuev             Lennox Lewis

   vs 

These fighters are, at least, grown men.

Valuev can't fight, everyone knows that. He's just a clumsy giant. I'd beat him with one hand. Either one, you name it. POW! Jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, BOOM! His size wouldn't cause me a problem at all. Look how I took care of Butterbean.

Lewis, I have a little respect for. He's a smart boxer (he had the sense to duck me during my comeback), but not as smart as me.  Perhaps he would make the top ten. But who did he really fight? I beat Gerry Cooney! I'd figure him out. I'd go Jab, WHACK! Jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, BOOM! And just when he's expecting a jab, jab, whack, BOOM! I'd let him have a Jab, whack, jab, jab, BOOM! Game over Limey!

I think Lennox will go Jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab quite a bit. In round 5 he'll finish it with a BOOM! But that's only a Lewis BOOM! It's not as good as a Larry Holmes' BOOM!

 

Larry

[Columbo]

   Jack Johnson           Rocky Marciano  

   vs 

Are these old timer's still fighting?

Jack Johnson is hard to hit. I know because I am too. Virtually every fighter, except me, would have trouble finishing this guy. He's pretty badass. I think it's going to take someone who can at least match him for height and build to defeat him. I'm big enough, but they didn't invite me, did they?

Rocky Marciano couldn't hold my jockstrap. Hehe. I know I've used that one before, but it always gets a laugh! What did Rocky do anyway? He fought a few guys, sure. He retired undefeated, sure. He beat up Mr T, sure. He's white, so what? My record is better. I fought real fighters. In the 1970s and 1980s, when Men were Men. I could have retired undefeated if I wanted to. I'd have gone jab, jab, whack, whack,  jab, jab, jab, jab. Then  jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, BOOM!  All the crowd would be singing Larry! Larry! Then there'd be some really moving music, and everyone, especially chicks, would say "You did it Larry. You really are The Greatest!"

Johnson will win this one.

 

Larry

[Columbo]

 Sonny Liston               Muhammed Ali

   VS 

Hey didn't these guys fight before?

Sonny Liston is not in my league as a boxer. He is all big and scary, but he's not smart like me. He'd be trying to KO me and shit, but I would be going jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, BOOM! Jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, BOOM! Not in my league.

Oh look everyone, it's old Bigmouth himself. Muhammed Ali. Not even his real name. I beat him. He could be the best boxer at heavyweight, apart from myself, Spinks, Shavers and Cooney. This man calls himself "The Greatest" but I'm The Greatest. He stole that name from me. When I was just a kid on welfare back in Easton, no older than nine or ten, I made that name up for myself - Even before I took up boxing! There's just no way Ali thought of it first. Ali and I used to be close. We would spend the days sparring. I'd be teaching him everything he knows. Just two buddies working out. One day, I told Ali about my plan to be known as The Greatest. He stole my idea.

Last time these guys fought, Liston was beaten. He knew Ali was in the ring, but Ali was so skinny he couldn't see him properly. It was like trying to fight a dangling piece of string he told me later. Ali's put on some weight since then, so let's see if it makes a difference. Ali's hard to KO and too stupid to know when he's losing. I believe this gives him the advantage in this rematch. I'd beat either of them.

 

Larry

[Columbo]

Vitali Klitschko                Joe Louis    

  vs 

I Have a soft spot for Vitali. He's like a flawed version of myself in a way. He uses his reach, jabs, and feints, really well, and has some power to apply the BOOM! I think he tries to copy me. And who could blame him? He just doesn't do it as well as I did. I did it classy.

Joe Louis eh? Another smart boxer. I like the way he picks his punches. Jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, Look out! Loud engine sounds from a Brown Bomber overhead! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! It's a carpet bombing! Wouldn't work on me though. He could have chased me around the ring all day without getting a good chance to unleash the bombs. I'd be like, moving all the time, and throwing a jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, BOOM! every now and then. I'd make it look easy.

I give this one to Joe Louis. He wants it.

[Columbo]

George Foreman         Tyson Fury     

vs

George Foreman is a bully. A big brute who can't box. He dodged me his whole career. He is so overrated! His punches are predictable. They're gonna hurt, but a great fighter like me, would dance all around, making him miss. Ali tried that in their fight, but Ali didn't have the skill I have, so he gave up and sat on the ropes. Luckily for him, George is stupid and tired himself out anyway and got KO'd. Later, Ali pretended that the whole tactic was deliberate. Yeah, right. If George hadn't always ducked me, I would have done the job properly.

His 'George Foreman Grill' is overrated too. I could have designed it better. If it's so healthy, why's he so fat?

 

Tyson punches hard, and no fighter wants to be hit by him. He often feints, and opponents can find it hard to get into the rhythm they want to be in. In fact he is quite unpredictable generally. You need to be a real master of the game, like me, to keep concentration and avoid getting hurt. I could beat him of course with some of my trademark Jab, jab, jab, BOOM! 

Tyson isn't as smart as me, but he's smart enough to beat lumbering George. Larry says Fury wins by KO.

 

Larry

[Columbo]

       Joe Frazier                 Mike Tyson      

  vs 

No disrespect to Tyson at all, but he is an angry little dwarf. He's only this high! I fought him once. Bit of an embarrassing story, but I'll tell it anyway. So, I'm fighting Tyson and completely out boxing the punk, but I keep sipping over! I don't know if it was my footwear or the canvas, but every now and then I would just slip and fall on my ass! I'm a pro, so I kind'a just shrugged it off and carried on. Then, would you believe it, I slip again and my shorts get snagged on the canvas edging, and I can't get up! The referee completely misrepresents events and calls it a KO! Robbed again! I think Don King had the whole thing planned. Referee bribed, canvas greased. All a set up. I have to admit, Tyson punches quite hard. Not Ernie Shavers or Ken Norton hard, but quite hard. He got me a couple of times as I was already slipping over and couldn't defend myself. Not putting Tyson down, he's a great guy, but he is a cheating hoodlam and a disgrace to boxing.

Frazier is a real fighter from the 1970s, when Men were Men. He was a furious puncher and didn't stop moving forward. That wasn't my style at all, but I probably would have been the best ever at that too if I'd tried. He beat Ali once and even came out victorious from a fight with the legendary Jerry Quarry. Those were the days. I never got to fight him, he retired just to dodge me, but I did beat up his son. 

Larry says that Frazier gets the win. Tyson would save Frazier the trouble of chasing him and be right there trading for Frazier to KO with a hook from hell. Of course Frazier is better. All these fighters from the 90s and later are useless. The 1970s were Ok, but the real Golden Age was the 80s, and I was the greatest of all!

 

Enjoy the fights - Larry

[Curix]

[gabrielnodoubt]

"Angry little dwarth? thraziers the thame height as me! This is preposterouth, my defenth is splendiferouth. total"

[Skuzbukit]

Fabulous write up Larry #nobodywantstobeme Holmes .

[Carciofi]

13 hours ago, Skuzbukit said:

Fabulous write up Larry #nobodywantstobeme Holmes .

Agreed #wedontdeservehim

[Ibearagimov]

This hurt when I read "can't fight" haha, either way great previews for all the fights.

 

Nikolai is a very excited giant ready to prove that he can fight; although due to circumstance alone he may be seen as a villain, being the reason the great Holmes could not compete. Nikolai hopes to gain the respect of his peers of champions!

 

Nikolai's height and weight is a double edged sword, masses above his competitor this makes him slower and more susceptible to offense as well as causing bone and joint problems. However in this tournament Nikolai hopes to show just how effective and powerful his youthful size is!

Lots of hopes but fate will decide all, best of luck all excited and counting the days until the first round.

 

[Columbo]

On 5/20/2023 at 2:38 AM, Ibearagimov said:

This hurt when I read "can't fight" haha, either way great previews for all the fights.

Don't take it to heart. These are just Larry's bitter opinions and prejudiced predictions (not mine).

I watched about 3 hours of interviews and speeches to get ideas, and he actually said some, maybe even most, of the words I put in his mouth. My favourite being about Tyson being a "dwarf" who's "only this high" lol.

He didn't mention Valuev, but I'm pretty sure he would have said he can't box or can't fight. He said that about virtually everyone, even when they could.

Holmes really was (one of) the greatest boxer-puncher heavyweights of all time, but he wasn't very generous in appreciating anyone else's abilities.

PS: I enjoyed writing the preview, but the glorious thing is that I watched my research and wrote it all during a single shift at work. So, good fun, and I got paid too lol.

[Columbo]

On 5/15/2023 at 6:37 PM, soyster89 said:

I think if Foreman had his head on straight, he'd have beaten Ali in 74. I feel he didn't think there was a man alive who could take his power, so when Ali leaned on the ropes and let Foreman hammer him for 4-5 rounds, Foreman figured it was a massacre. Problem was it's as though Ali's ribs were made of steel and Foreman wore out. Had Foreman not retired in 1977, I feel he could have been the greatest of all time.

There's a book by Norman Mailer (great writer) called "The Fight". He had access to both training camps before/after/during the Ali-Foreman "Rumble in the jungle". It's 30 years since I read it, but I think his conclusion, as someone actually there, was that Ali won that fight before it even began by winning over the locals. He made himself the hero and Foreman the Baddie. He got the whole nation on his side, and before/after/during the fight, Foreman was disadvantaged. The crowd on the night were constantly singing "Ali - Kill him". It was all you could hear.

My veiw on Ali ias that he is one of the greatest. I just always felt that, given different twists of fate, it could easily have been Frazier, Foreman, or even Norton. I think it was undeniably the best era of HW boxing and whoever came out tops was going to be considered a legend. Nothing ever seemed to go wrong for Ali.

But you've got to hand it to him. He used psychology, PR, dancing, punching.. Whatever worked. And he sure could box. I just wish you could run the history 50 times and see if we lived through a freak 1-in-50 event, or if Ali really woud have won every time. Do you see what I mean?

[jsdaugh]

Too late to sign up? Tommy "The Gun" Morrison