Alfred Posted May 9, 2023 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 WORLD CUP OF MMA Pre-Tournament Preview With all teams now fully registered and all fight offer now sent out, it's time to have a quick look at the teams participating and their chances of moving on from the Qualifying Group Stage. Group B England 135lbs: Luke Smith (Alfred Winterbottom - #6 Best) 170lbs: Charles Traynor (Jimmy Normal - #60 Best) 300lbs: Vyvyan Bastard (Monkey !!! - #5 Best) It would be easy to say that this here is the team that will dominate this tournament from beginning to end without much trouble but then that would seem pretty cocky and the English aren’t known for their cockinesses. Instead I will just say that this is a very good team that is likely to dominate the tournament from beginning to end and is likely to do so without much trouble. One little hiccup was that Monkey decided to be clever and not test his fighter so it’s very possible that 300lber Vyvyan Bastard is a useless pile of shit but as Monkey seems to be some kind of tournament wizard, we’ll forgive him. Luke Smith at 135lber looks to be the most obvious MVP of the team with his chin made of iron and his genius manager Alfred Winterbottom guiding him to glory. Rounding out the team is some Canadian weirdo who seems to have a thing for the Queen. Clearly going to stomp the group and then probably win the whole thing. God save the King! Predicted Group Finish: 1stFighter Watch: Luke Smith Wales 135lbs: Callum Walsh (Dillo The Manager - #183 Best) 170lbs: Robbie Mullen (Dillo The Manager - #183 Best) 300lbs: Jeremy Corbyn (Bob Slay - #127 Best Well well well boyo, if it isn't the bastard Welsh. Highly inbred and terribly stupid. Also sheep aficionados of the highest order. To be honest, they’re pretty harmless overall but every now and again they get a little above their station and the English have give them a little kicking just to remind them who’s boss. Exactly what’s about to go down here actually. Just two managers make up this poor excuse of a Welsh team and their fighters don’t look too bad at the lowest two weights. A shame they are managed by notorious Panda hater Dillo The Manager. I’m predicting these guys to be the groups whipping boys though they might do a little better if they can get a good result against the Scots. They’ve no chance against the English though that’s for damn sure. Predicted Group Finish: 4thFighter Watch: Robbie Mullen Canada 135lbs: Michele Rene Gaspard (Todd Westacott - #27 Best) 170lbs: Brody McDonald (Bradley Burns - #1 Best) 300lbs: Jean Francois LaFleur (Jason Swanson - #5 Best) Canada eh? America’s less cool and less freedom loving little cousin. To make matters worse they tend to speak French too. Well, French-ish. The actual French can’t understand them all that well so can you really call it French? Either way, no one likes the French. Anyway, these three maple slurping goons could pose a problem to the other teams in this group with three capable managers including consistent #1 Bradley Burns. Luckily he hasn’t bothered to test so his 170lber Brody McDonald could be a dud. Probably their best looking fighter is big Jean Francois LaFleur who is said to have few teeth and heavy hands. Not quite sold on the fighters as yet but the management team here is solid. Predicting that Canada make it out of this group but in second place behind the might of England. Predicted Group Finish: 2ndFighter Watch: Jean Francois LaFleur Scotland 135lbs: Sir Randy Elliot (Master Tessin - #64 Best) 170lbs: Alex Gray (Cope T - #13 Best) 300lbs: Panda McLeod (Pika Choo - #31 Best) If there’s one thing worse than the bastard Welsh, it’s the bastard Scots. Skirt wearing, Irn Bru guzzling, pale, pasty, miserable and now all of a sudden soft. These Scottish lads are going to find things very tough against some solid competition. Welterweight Alex Gray could be a solid prospect for them but it’s Sir Randy Elliot at bantamweight that looks like the real star of the team. Guided by Master Tessin who just had a great run in the League of Madness tournament, he’ll no doubt be hoping he can bring that good form over into this tournament as well I have the Scottish finishing third in the group but to be honest it wouldn’t surprise me to see them pull off an upset somewhere along the lines. Strong looking fighters and three managers that are more than capable on their day. Predicted Group Finish: 3rdFighter Watch: Sir Randy Elliot 3 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alfred Posted May 9, 2023 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 WORLD CUP OF MMA Pre-Tournament Preview With all teams now fully registered and all fight offer now sent out, it's time to have a quick look at the teams participating and their chances of moving on from the Qualifying Group Stage. Group C China 135lbs: Autobot One (AL CORP) 170lbs: Autobot Three (AL CORP) 300lbs: Autobot Two (AL CORP) What do you do when you need to quickly fill a specific gap in a market shortage? Well, you import a load of crap from China of course! And that’s exactly what we have here. Three very likely useless, poorly built autobots that would be lucky to pick up a single individual win in this tournament. Completely untested and created slightly late, this Chinese team are dead certs for last place. Predicted Group Finish: 4thFighter Watch: Don't Bother Mexico 135lbs: Ominous Odinson (Cynic Chris - #6 Best 170lbs: Loco Coco (Scottie 2 Hottie - #20 Best 300lbs: Judas Gonzalez (Albert Summertop - #22183 Best) Viva la Mexico! It’s the boys from south of the border. This team almost didn’t happen after Karter did his usual cowardly disappearing act but due to the awesomeness of a certain Albert Summertop, the team could finally be registered as complete. Of course Summertop is going to be an anchor of epic proportions so it’ll be down to the spicy taco Cynic Chris aka Miami Meat and his compadre Scottie 2 Hottie to steer this migrant train to glory. When properly motivated, Cynic Chris is as adept a scout as you’ll find and is often told by his many girlfriends that he “googles too deep”. A chance for him to step out of the small but imposing shadow of his alliance leader Chris Karter and finally get the attention and love he so desperately craves. Scottie 2 Hottie too has been leading a camp of highly regarded fighters of late and his welterweight Loco Coco looks to be a decent future prospect initially and possibly this teams MVP. Despite the major handicap in management staff, I’m picking Mexico to finish top of the group and move on into the next round. Predicted Group Finish: 1stFighter Watch: Loco Coco Belgium 135lbs: Lucas Van Den Broeck (John Daugherty - #16 Best) 170lbs: Ryan Gordon (Antonio Maximus - #22 Best) 300lbs: Kurt Waffles (Anthony Partridge - #19 Best) Only a handful of good things come from Belgium like Jean Claude Van Damme, chocolate and waffles and owing to John Daugherty’s abysmal cursed run of luck in these types of tournaments, I doubt we will be adding this Belgium team to that list. On the management side, a collection of capable seasoned vets will be pooling their collective experience together in order to make it out of the group but on the fighter side, things are a little unclear. Uber Belgian Ryan Gordan is completely untested though he does have a sweet bio. Lucas Van Den Broeck at bantamweight looks to have a little firepower about him so he could potentially be one to watch but 300lber Kurt Waffles is still yet to have his first test fight at the time of writing so his potentially is still to be determined. Picking Belgium to just miss out on qualifying from this group though in truth, it could end up being a very competitive one and with Belgium getting some good results here and there. Prediction is based purely on the fact the tournament gods constantly smite John for some prior misgiving in an earlier life. *Waffles rolled Granite chin. Does that change things? Lets find out! Predicted Group Finish: 3rdFighter Watch: Lucas Van Den Broeck Poland 135lbs: KO Kapustka (Gut Punch - #32 Best) 170lbs: Serwacy Smolarek (Roman Benson - #91 Best) 300lbs: Brave Hut (Forfiter elPolako - #25 Best) A proud nation of tough carpenters, bricklayers and plumbers made strong by the delicious and hearty flavours of bigos and pierogis. These winged hussars are about to swoop into the battlefield armed with sharp spears and hazelnut vodka. At bantamweight there is the big hearted KO Kapustka who might do well what looks like a predominately striker based group division and at 170lbs there is Serwacy Smolarek who is said to have some Polish Power level strength in those hands of his. Probably the most interesting of the trio though is 300lb Brave Hut. Named after a famous Polish pizza chain, he is said to have a pretty decent chin tried and tested in the many pubs and clubs of Warsaw. It’s going to be tooth and nail for those two qualifying spots in this group but I’m predicting this Poland team end up in one of them. Predicted Group Finish: 2ndFighter Watch: Brave Hut 4 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alfred Posted May 9, 2023 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 WORLD CUP OF MMA Pre-Tournament Preview With all teams now fully registered and all fight offer now sent out, it's time to have a quick look at the teams participating and their chances of moving on from the Qualifying Group Stage. Group D Indonesia 135lbs: Jack Saragih (Blue Aurora - #86 Best) 170lbs: Mario Leonardo (Blue Aurora - #86 Best) 300lbs: Syariel Peng (Mae Joon - #78 Best) The mysterious Indonesian team prepare to do their best in what again is likely to be a very cut throat time for those top two qualifying positions. Not much is known about managers Blue Aurora and Mae Joon other than they have managed to both crack the top 100 manager ranks but are still yet to break #50 and under. All three of their fighters are completely untested at this point leaving us very little to go on and even less to write. So with that in mind, I’ll take this opportunity to list just a couple of fun factoids about Indonesia such as it being the worlds largest archipelago and the home of the Komodo dragon! Expecting Indonesia to be competitive but ultimately, with not much to go on other than current manager ranks, I’m predicting them a third place finish this time around. Predicted Group Finish: 3rdFighter Watch: Syariel Peng Kazakhstan 135lbs: Borat Sagdiyev (Squirrelly Dan - #3 Best) 170lbs: Kazhymukan Manaitpasov (Alfred Winterbottom - #6 Best) 300lbs: Heavy Kazak Six (Dakota Thibodeaux - #24 Best) Three last minute, fill the gaps fighters recruited by three super cool and helpful gentlemen simply for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan. Actually on paper, if it wasn’t for how late a couple of these fighters were created, it would be a pretty decent little team. At 135lb, the man himself, Borat Sagdiyev! Utterly unknown and untested, lets hope Borat turns out to be a top prospect, if only to one day see that avatar as Syn champion. At 170lbs, some granite chinned unpronounceable wrestler might actually pick up the odd win along the way but it’s the lovingly named Heavy Kazak Six at super-heavyweight who we are excited about most. Knockout power just where you need it and guided by high chief of the Thibodeaux tribe himself, Dakota Thibodeaux. Maybe those heavy hands will be able to make up for the fact he’s had about two minutes training? Very grateful for Mr. Squirrelly and Mr. Thibodeaux for likely sacrificing their manager ranks just to make up the numbers. Underdogs are always fun so lets see if we can pull off some upsets but otherwise expect Kazakhstan to finish rock bottom of Group D Predicted Group Finish: 4thFighter Watch: Heavy Kazak Six USA 135lbs: Harper Quarry (Rush Greyson - #88 Best) 170lbs: Chayton Catawanee (Tycoon Judas - #18 Best) 300lbs: Remington Knox (Squirrely Dan - #3 Best) Did someone call for some freedum? Well never fear, Team Murica is here and never before have you seen such a collection of badass, black ops types in one place. First up is Rush Greyson who is well known for being behind the infamous SolarWinds cyberattack in 2020. He was given the choice between a lengthy prison service or joining the FBI. Suffice to say he chose the latter and now gets to play MMATycoon for most of his day. Then you have Tycoon Judas aka Butch Harris aka Unstable Judas. He is clearly the groups wildcard responsible for providing unpredictable behaviour and cerebral shit talk. Both of these gents are SO badass that they didn’t even bother to test their fighters. Rounding them out is the Squirrelly one, Squirrelly Dan. He is said to stand six feet and seven inches and have the kind of hand span that leads woman to make some very generous assumptions about the size of his manhood. He did test his fighter but maybe wished that he didn’t. Who cares what fighters are on this team. This is the America and America is ALWAYS number one. Fuck Yeah. Predicted Group Finish: 1stFighter Watch: Remington Knox Bhutan 135lbs: Genko Yeshuati (Peter of Rivia - #68 Best) 170lbs: James Penn (Steel Penn - #105 Best) 300lbs: Drangme Chhu (Joe River - #3 Best) Another dark horse team full of promise and wonder, the Bhutanese are our final team of the tournament and rounding out Group D. Three experienced managers will be bringing three largely untested specimens to do battle with only bantamweight Genko Yeshuati having seen any action inside the cage before this tournament starts. He showed some serious determination in his fight which will hopefully stand him in good stead throughout. 2009 OG’s Steel Penn and Joe River elected to Iron Man this one which, whilst you have to respect, it does leave us wondering just how good this Bhutan team can be? Predicting Bhutan to qualifying in second place here but that is largely based on the tenure of their managers. Should those unknowns be duds, it will make qualifying much less of a certainty Predicted Group Finish: 2ndFighter Watch: Genko Yeshuati 3 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Slay Posted May 9, 2023 Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 Lovely write up with quality shit talk. Looking forward to pissing off team England a lot (hopefully). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soyster89 Posted May 9, 2023 Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 Awesome write up! Can't wait for this! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sprooch Posted May 9, 2023 Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 I'm late, but I gave Heavy Kazak Six a real name Q.q 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Slay Posted May 9, 2023 Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 49 minutes ago, Sprooch said: I'm late, but I gave Heavy Kazak Six a real name Q.q I kinda liked Heavy Kazak Six, made him sound like Artillery. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alfred Posted May 9, 2023 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 1 hour ago, Skuzbukit said: I kinda liked Heavy Kazak Six, made him sound like Artillery. He'll always be Heavy Kazak Six to me 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Columbo Posted May 9, 2023 Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 11 hours ago, Alfred said: One little hiccup was that Monkey decided to be clever and not test his fighter so it’s very possible that 300lber Vyvyan Bastard is a useless pile of shit but as Monkey seems to be some kind of tournament wizard, we’ll forgive him. "Tournament Wizard" Monkey only had one fighter slot at the time, so outrageous medical student and street fighter Vyvyan Bastard was the only choice. Pizza loving moonwalker or not, Vyvyan is keen to fight. Monkey is handling his training personally. Some rumours have already emerged from the Monkey Magic gym.. After some resistance to the idea of fighting without improvised weapons, Vyvyan is learning how to deliver damage manually. We've heard that Vyvyan has utilised his medical knowledge of anatomy to good effect, but creativity is, so far, Vyvyan's most obvious talent. Vyvyan has already adopted a signature attack - The 'Video Nasty' (an accurate knuckle strike, aimed at the eyeball). Three sparring partners - Neil, Rick and Mike - have already been blinded in one eye and retired from training. Vyvyan's enthusiasm seems to be insatiable because he is currently looking for Rick, determined to "take care" of the other eye. Another rumour is that Vyvyan has been telling anyone who will listen that, when he is finished with Rick, he has new demands.. If the United States of America, International Rescue, the BBC, the Welsh Voice Choir, The SNP, or the Bee Gees, do not supply him with all of Felicity Kendal's underwear within 24 hours he will come for them next. And, that underwear had better need a good wash, or the deal is off! PS: Awesome job Alfred! Looking forward to this tourney. On the other hand, thanks for talking up England that much. A little more pressure would be nice. Saying "a very good team that is likely to dominate the tournament from beginning to end and is likely to do so without much trouble" is just tempting fate. "The only good team, certain to dominate the tournament from beginning to end with no trouble at all" would have been more appropriate! What were you thinking? 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Columbo Posted May 9, 2023 Report Share Posted May 9, 2023 4 hours ago, Alfred said: He'll always be Heavy Kazak Six to me I thought Heavy Kazak Six was an inheritable deformity of the testes and scrotum that affects certain people in central Asia?? I could be wrong of course. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Slay Posted May 10, 2023 Report Share Posted May 10, 2023 2 hours ago, Columbo said: I thought Heavy Kazak Six was an inheritable deformity of the testes and scrotum that affects certain people in central Asia?? I could be wrong of course. You may be thinking of Heavy Sack Kik which was a swelling induced by being kicked in said scrotum during an enthusiastic game of Russian-Rules football* *which is played in a very large cage, dictates all balls may be kicked hard & has phone boxes for goalposts into which players guilty of fouls (typically eye gouges) must go, and fight appointed Sambo Master of Sport qualified referees. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carciofi Posted May 10, 2023 Report Share Posted May 10, 2023 Well played that was a fun read lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingofConsent Posted May 10, 2023 Report Share Posted May 10, 2023 Loved this, if this is the quality write ups for the entire tournament it’s going to be a banger! fuck England! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curix Posted May 10, 2023 Report Share Posted May 10, 2023 Let's go Poland! Only #PolishPower! Let's smaaaash! @popart @Forfiter 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
popart Posted May 11, 2023 Report Share Posted May 11, 2023 KO Kapustka dorastał w biednej dzielnicy Warszawy. Samozwańczy fan Legii, Kapustka otrzymał dziesięcioletni zakaz wyjazdu z Anglii po świętowaniu po tym, jak drużyna pokonała Leicester, w tym kilku pulchnych Brytyjczyków, którzy zostali znokautowani i kilka kobiet w ciąży. legioniści wojskowi! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sprooch Posted May 11, 2023 Report Share Posted May 11, 2023 On 5/9/2023 at 12:01 PM, Skuzbukit said: I kinda liked Heavy Kazak Six, made him sound like Artillery. Rumor has it, that his hands hit like that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curix Posted May 11, 2023 Report Share Posted May 11, 2023 Serwacy Smolarek (395497) "Jestem zwykłym gościem, który lubi się bić od zawsze. Nie znam ani angielskiego, ani chińskiego, dlatego będę mówił po polsku. Jestem prawdziwym Polakiem i prawdziwym patriotą, więc będę godnie reprezentował nasz kraj w turnieju. Autobot to pierwszy koleś do skasowania. Z kimkolwiek przyjdzie mi walczyć, przygotujcie się na wielkie emocje! Tylko Polska! Polska siła!" Translation "I'm just a regular, normal guy who likes to fight since forever. I don't speak English or Chinese, so I will speak Polish. I am a real Pole and a real patriot, so I will represent our country in the tournament with dignity. Autobot is the first guy to delete. Whoever I come to fight, get ready for great emotions! Only Poland! Polish strength! Polish power!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingofConsent Posted May 15, 2023 Report Share Posted May 15, 2023 This has been a sensational build up. but I’m curious if pre fight write ups will come out? Or is round 1 too difficult to do that for? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curix Posted May 17, 2023 Report Share Posted May 17, 2023 Any special clothes for the tournament? With flags, clors etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curix Posted May 19, 2023 Report Share Posted May 19, 2023 So close to the first event. 👍 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alfred Posted May 21, 2023 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2023 And so the World Cup of MMA is finally underway and what a first round of events it was. Some big upsets and some outright disgusting results with all to be covered in the upcoming Round 1 post event write up. For now though you can have a quick look at the results and standings over at Challonge P.S Fook the Scots! 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stpierrecanada Posted May 22, 2023 Report Share Posted May 22, 2023 Canada goes 3-0 with all First round stoppages. Brody MacDonald pops Granite Chin AND KO Power in his debut. I find not testing for tournaments much more fun. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dillooo Posted May 22, 2023 Report Share Posted May 22, 2023 13 minutes ago, stpierrecanada said: Canada goes 3-0 with all First round stoppages. Brody MacDonald pops Granite Chin AND KO Power in his debut. I find not testing for tournaments much more fun. Im reportin u for hacking. Lmao all seriousness, congrats you fuckers. If I was gonna get dummied by anyone, I prefer it to be the canucks. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alfred Posted May 22, 2023 Author Report Share Posted May 22, 2023 11 hours ago, stpierrecanada said: Canada goes 3-0 with all First round stoppages. Brody MacDonald pops Granite Chin AND KO Power in his debut. I find not testing for tournaments much more fun. I find this DISGUSTING 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curix Posted June 1, 2023 Report Share Posted June 1, 2023 Serwacy Smolarek (395497) "Ostatnia walka była dla mnie trochę ciężka. Czuję, że mogłem dać z siebie znacznie więcej! Cokolwiek się wydarzyło i cokolwiek wydarzy się w przyszłości, zawsze pozostanę przy swoich zasadach i wartościach. W turnieju walczę dalej i jestem gotowy na każde wyzwanie. Polska siła. Polska duma. Polski honor. Polscy patrioci. Polscy chuligani. Polscy husarze!" Translation "The last fight was a bit hard for me. I feel that I could have given much more of myself! Whatever has happened and whatever will happen in the future, I will always stay with my principles and values. I continue to fight in the tournament and I am ready for any challenge. Polish power. Polish pride. Polish honor. Polish patriots. Polish hooligans. Polish hussars!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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