World Cup of MMAT

[Curix]

So pity that Poland lost, but it happens.

Maybe next... Euro Cup of MMAT? LOL.

[scottxbandz]

16 hours ago, KingofConsent said:

Official Ryan Wallaby Statement

“I did not lose that fight, that’s bullshit! Tell me, if you are in a bar, pub or street, and you see two guys fighting, both bloodied up, but one guy punches the fuck out of the other, dropping him on his ass three times and nearly separating him from consciousness, having him wobbling around everywhere. Who do you think won that fight? It’s clear.

 

if you get knocked on your ass a few times in a fight in the pub, but then you turn around and slam a guy on his head, then leave him in a pool of his own blood because there was no referee there to stop the fight, I think it might be clear who won.

Any longer in the cage on the ground completely defenseless and your boy might not even get to return home from New York to Australia. 

He's lucky it wasn't a pub fight!

[KingofConsent]

Slammed on his head? You cuddled me and we both fell over… hardly a slam.

[Skuzbukit]

4 minutes ago, KingofConsent said:

You cuddled me and we both fell over…

Sounds romantic.

[scottxbandz]

17 hours ago, Skuzbukit said:

Sounds romantic.

it was romantic until wallaby started bleeding out

[KingofConsent]

7 hours ago, scottxbandz said:

it was romantic until wallaby started bleeding out

Nothing wrong with a bit of blood in your romance 

[Alfred]

11 hours ago, scottxbandz said:

it was romantic until wallaby started bleeding out

Now it sounds HOT

[Skuzbukit]

10 hours ago, Alfred said:

Now it sounds HOT

Lolz 

Btw, are you releasing the failures soon or did you have after-tourney plans for them?

[Alfred]

1 hour ago, Skuzbukit said:

Lolz 

Btw, are you releasing the failures soon or did you have after-tourney plans for them?

Do you mean everyone that didn't qualify or my own roster of useless nuggets? 

If the former, anyone eliminated has been released. Unless I've missed anyone?

[The1rstSaint]

Bless those chinese Autobots, we wouldn't have made it without them. RIP

[Skuzbukit]

2 hours ago, Alfred said:

Do you mean everyone that didn't qualify or my own roster of useless nuggets? 

If the former, anyone eliminated has been released. Unless I've missed anyone?

Jeremy Corbyn (395075)

[Alfred]

1 hour ago, Skuzbukit said:

Jeremy Corbyn (395075)

Apologies mate. All done

[Skuzbukit]

1 minute ago, Alfred said:

Apologies mate. All done

Cheers Alfred 😊

[Daudy]

On 7/3/2023 at 9:32 AM, Daudy said:

The Georgian Boys go top of the group!

Time to go home and eat some Khinkali, Mtsvadi, and wash it down with some Sweetwater 420 Extra Pale Ale. YEEEEEEEHAWW!

Another smash hit for the boys. This time we showed the Yankees who the true Americans Georgians are! Our performance was peachy (except poor Banks this round, bless his heart, literally) and we're fixin to get right into our next opponents. Ya'll better holler at us and jump on this short bus, because we aint got no time to waste. Yeeeerhaw!

[KingofConsent]

England beats Georgia

Australia beats Mexico

England v Australia in the grandfinal. THE SMASHES

 

[Helmans212]

Seems like we might have the rematch with the Aussies down the line either to win the whole tournament or to see who finishes 3rd in it, we'll see what happens tho in the next round, we are not stopping for now!

[Helmans212]

33 minutes ago, KingofConsent said:

England beats Georgia

Australia beats Mexico

England v Australia in the grandfinal. THE SMASHES

 

Just admit you are scared of us after the last loss you took, it's ok 

[KingofConsent]

1 hour ago, Helmans212 said:

Just admit you are scared of us after the last loss you took, it's ok 

Nope. I guess you are unfamiliar with the fierce England v Australia rivalry in all sports imaginable ? We hate each other.

[Alfred]

      Quarter-Final Recap

Greetings good people. I have to admit that this tournament has not quite been the fun filled, write up extravaganza that was promised at the start and for that, you really only have yourselves to blame. 

If not for your palpable apathy and general Alex K-esque eeyore like attitudes, I’m sure that I would have been far more motivated to document this glorious tournament with the enthusiasm that it deserves. 

Anyway, as I had a few minutes to spare, I thought I would give a brief recap of recent events. 

First matchup of the knockout stages featured the fake Georgian team taking on the real Americans.

They tried fighting for the rights of every man but after such a stellar group stage performance, it all came crashing down and now it hurts inside. One positive for them however is that Remington Knox’s overworked back can now breath a sigh of relief after carrying both his teammates the entire way. He bows out of the tournament with an undefeated 4-0 record. Not the only high flyer to have been kneecapped by his team but still noteworthy. 

Next up, fighting for King and Country, the valiant English team dispatched the filthy waffle eaters of Belgium with a similar ease as how they single-handedly saved the world from Nazi occupation. Many thought that Belgium might have given them a fight after moving through the group stage undefeated but no, clearly they had not faced anyone of England’s might and as soon as they did, they melted like the chocolate teapots that they are. 

On the other side of the bracket we had Team Mexico continuing to make a mockery of this tournament after brushing aside surprise outfit Team Scotland. Up until now, the bastard Scots had shocked everyone they had faced and managed to conquer their group undefeated. Mexico on the other hand just about managed to slip through their group like an illegal across the Rio Grande. Somehow though they managed to overcome the surprise strength of the sickly, pale looking zombies from the greylands and move into the Semi-Finals of the tournament. 

The final match up of the knockout stages featured high flying Indonesia who had also managed to carve through their group undefeated facing off against the flukey Aussies who wouldn't have even been here but for a technicality. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, Australia decided to step it up a little bit and start to look like the team they were expected to be. Bad timing for Indonesia as they went down two fights to one and exit the tournament after some very impressive results. 

So now the Semi-Finals are looking a little like this. 

Georgia vs. England

Mexico vs. Australia

It should be another exciting round of World Cup action so don’t forget to tune in to see what happens.  

[Daudy]

Georgia vs. England Preview

So everyone knows the Georgians are the biggest hit in town with the best avatars, best swag, best sliders, best delusional confidence, and so on. Well now we have the best preview too. No one could have predicted one of the most random teams in the competition would even make it out of groups, nevermind form a cohesive team in the first place.

Anyway, here's our very accurate preview of how our semi-final against Engerland will go. Put on your hats and click your boot heels together, this preview is as cozy as eating a gooey Khachapuri.

135lb

Mikheil Berishvili vs Luke "One step above being more generic than John" Smith

Naturally when creating this tournament, Alfred cheated and gave himself a Granite chin with some KO power, alongside the cultural genocide when he denied various people the opportunity to represent their true heritage (including MMA giants like Vatican City, Western Sahara, and Florida among others).

Luckily, our hero Berishvili has some form of chin and the perfect set of skills to still get the finish against this cheatcode of a creation at 135. His close quarters style is a real kill or be kill situation derived from his experience through the traditional Georgian practice of wife stealing through the bear hug technique. Our prediction is that if he avoids Smith's lead filled gloves (cheaters, you see), he will drag him down and make him his 4th wife via a submission.

170lb

Buck Bolkvadze vs Weird Bloke at the Pub

Our second Georgian hero takes on the only other guy weirder in the competition in the 170 matchup. It's an interesting matchup where both fighters share similar primaries but have shown slightly different things. Buck has shown a really well rounded striking game including some great clinching prowess and a surprisingly efficient submission game. What a student of MMA in such a short time! Very impressive. The other guy has been ok.

The proof is in the pudding, Buck has polled 52%, 100%, 76%, and 75% in fight ratings in World Cup matches so far. The fans love him. Meanwhile, people don't love a weird bloke at the pub who is a bit too handsy. His last 'win' was a stinker at 39%. Keep your hands to yourself, otherwise Buck will chop them off with his chainsaw aggression.

300lb

Robbie Banks vs Some Bastard

Completing our trio of Georgian heroes, Robbie Banks provides some nice symmetry to the team. Starting at 135, our representative Mikheil had a very traditional Georgian name. Buck at 170 combined his traditional Georgian name with his other Georgian heritage, while Robbie follows with his fully typical Georgian name to round us out. We're Georgian through and through!

Both big guys in this matchup came to the tournament with zero testing and no preparation. Truly a weightclass of fatties who rolled off the couch and into the ring. Robbie brings a world class ground and pound game while we're not quite sure what the Bastard brings. He seems to follow the patented Monkey tournament build mould of "hey if I put enough wrestling primaries in, they might think I'm a grappler instead of a striking/clinch demon". You can't argue with Monkey's tournament prowess though, and luckily for him and Engerland, the Bastard has recently discovered how to win.

Eyes will be on how Banks can recover from his setback in his last fight. The Americans used the CIA to swap his invite to the fight out and fooled him into thinking it was a dance party. Banks was enthralling us all with his dance moves in the ring only to discover too late that Knox was actually trying to hit him instead of hit ON him. Further exposing the corrupt organisation, Banks' impressive slut drop dance moves were counted as 'knockdowns' which couldn't be further from the truth. He's not even injured!

Georgian representatives have tried to reach Banks to ensure he doesn't get bamboozled by MI5 setups and remembers to actually fight. If he does, the Bastard better watch out, because big boy Banks is coming to cash his cheque.

 

 

So in summary, Team Georgia will defeat the tyranny of Engerland - otherwise they cheated and we've already won the morale victory already like their cricket team.

[KingofConsent]

To be honest I think I’m only keen for Robbie Banks heart display every fight 

[Daudy]

1 hour ago, KingofConsent said:

To be honest I think I’m only keen for Robbie Banks heart display every fight 

It's the 300lb division. That much display of 'heart' and he's going to die at 20 years of age.

[Daudy]

Mexico vs. Australia Preview

So because they might feel left out, I have decided to also do a Mexico vs Australia preview. Team Georgia has actually faced off against Australia already, hence why I am also assuming the position of expert to write this preview. I guess if anything, this proves that Group A was the best since it ended up being a close finish to progress and now both representatives have reached the semi finals. Team 'Losing on Technicalities' Sweden and Team "Nice" Djibouti must both be filthy they got put in such a competitive group. I don't quite remember which group Team Mexico were from, but I'm sure they were very friendly, though obviously inferior to Group A overall.

135lb

Ominous "I'm really Mexican" Odinson vs Mick "Now this is a Noife!" Taylor

This is a very interesting matchup with both guys doing incredibly well in their matchups so far and being real lynchpins for their team. Odinson has won every single fight of his so far, including tryharding his own trial, with a pretty peculiar looking build on the surface. He appears to have primaries in a bit of everything and doing his best to trick everyone into thinking he's a brand new player with a build like that. Who knew Coach Meat was a spreader?

On the other hand, Mick Taylor also almost has a perfect record, with his only blemish coming against our abovementioned Georgian hero Mikheil Berishvili. His gameplan revolves around grabbing people without their consent (seemingly a theme in this Aus team) and deploying his ground game. However, he's yet to really face anybody that could knock his block off and Odinson definitely has some juice. However, because it's 135, smart money would be on the King of No Consent on the Aus team and his manager PJ to get some ground control and get a win. It's definitely still an open book though, as it would be foolish to underestimate Odinson and the power of gym + Tinder behind him.

170lb

Loco Coco "Nut" vs Drew "A" Peacock

Moving to the 170 matchup, we've got two guys with some chin and so far, a mixed campaign. Loco recently came in clutch to help defeat the rampaging Scots, while Drew had the most impressive performance of the tournament against fan favourite Buck Bolkvadze. It's not particularly fair to say anybody is anchoring teams that have made it this far, but it's also the truth to say that these guys have both had indifferent campaigns so far. Because of that, it's every bit as pivotal as the 135 matchup. Where that might be a (tiny) unstoppable force vs a (tiny) immovable object, this is more kind of a "yeah these guys were also part of the team" situation. I'm not sure anybody would have picked that before this campaign though, given the two managers behind them.

The winner will be decided by who gets to dictate where the fight takes place. I was memeing about Monkey's patented "wrestling primaries to fool them into thinking I'm a grappler if they don't look closely but I'm actually a clincher" build, but Peacock legitimately actually is that with a hard head behind it. Loco Coco on the other hand fights more at range and this is where he'd want to use his small reach advantage. To be honest, I'd prefer a danceoff instead to show us who the real king of the streets is.

300lb

Ryan "but in a streetfight, bro" Wallaby vs "Literally" Judas Gonzalez

Wait a second, who is this manager behind Gonzalez? The conspiracy deepens! Corruption! I blame the CIA. Then you have Hopson, who really seems like the kind of bloke who would love Mexicans. A perfect matchup for him.

Both these fighters like to stand and bang. They do their best to imitate all the Kimbo Slice videos they've watched online because on these tough streets, there's no such things as rules (except for no grappling allowed, no low blows, sportsmanship reach arounds mandatory, etc). It's a tough one to pick because "Streetfight" Wallaby would probably be given the edge on a regular basis, but he has shown he's a bit of an emo cutter.

 

Overall, it's my expert opinion that Team Australia may have what it takes to turn the boats back and send Team Mexico back to their nice weather and delicious food. However, it's really tight to call and all three matchups could really go in either direction. Either way, neither of them have anything for Team "Moral Victory" Georgia who have obviously won the tournament regardless of the actual results vs Engerland in their future semi.

[KingofConsent]

Just wanted to be the first to actually thank you for semi reviving this tournament.

I love the work, alfred should pay you.

[Carciofi]

34 minutes ago, KingofConsent said:

Just wanted to be the first to actually thank you for semi reviving this tournament.

I love the work, alfred should pay you.

Agreed. His prose is second only to his taste in avatars.